The Shared Heart

The time immediately after ending a relationship can be painful, confusing and disorienting. So much energy has most likely been spent first in trying to make the relationship work and then in the process of ending the relationship. The time when a relationship actually ends can seem without focus or purpose. The tendency with most people is to distract themselves, become depressed, be consumed with anger for the other person or anger at themselves.

We feel there is a destiny to each relationship. There is a divine hand helping to bring two people together. Sometimes a relationship is long term, sometimes short. But regardless of the length, all relationships come to teach us something important. The key to success in all relationships, long or short, is to be continually learning how to open our hearts.

The space immediately after ending a relationship can be a very valuable period in our lives. If a person distracts themselves or rushes into another relationship, the gifts and lessons of the previous relationship could be difficult to bring forth. A friend of ours ended a relationship of four years in which a child had been born. He described his life as a giant jigsaw puzzle which had dropped to the ground. Some major pieces stayed together, others separated and went all over. He realized he could quickly gather the pieces and, before the puzzle was whole, begin a new relationship. He saw how, once a new relationship had begun, he would be building a new puzzle without the other one being complete. He realized he needed to take time and bring the broken puzzle to wholeness and this completion would open the door for the new.

The period between relationships is rich with lessons and growth. Focusing blame on either your partner or upon yourself will blind you to the divine lesson to be learned. Spend time in silence asking yourself why you were brought together with this person. What is the lesson to be learned? What were the gifts you were able to give in the relationship? What further gifts would you like to give in your next relationship? Then focus on gratitude that you could spend time with this person. This relationship was a gift from the Universe given to both of you according to the highest wisdom of both of your needs. As you can feel your gratitude for the relationship, understanding and wisdom - and therefore peace - will come. In time your heart will truly open to the other person and you will feel the blessing of the relationship. The fact that the relationship did not last as long as you had hoped will cease to be of importance. The realization that you learned and grew and opened your heart will bless your entire life.

The Vissells' latest book out, Light in the Mirror: A New Way To Understand Relationships, is available for $13.95 at your local bookstore or direct from Ramira Publishing, TOLL-FREE 1-800-766-0629 or locally 408-684-2299.

Here are a few opportunities to study directly with Barry and Joyce Vissell: Jun 16-21-Light in the Mirror Couples Training; June 25-July 5-Living Your Purpose Training; July 13-18-White Water Adventure Quest; July 27-August 1-Breitenbush Hot Springs Retreat.

Joyce and Barry Vissell have been a couple since 1964. A nurse and medical doctor, their main interest since 1972 has been counseling and teaching. As a result of the world-wide interest in their previous books, The Shared Heart, Models of Love, and Risk To Be Healed, they travel internationally conducting talks and workshops on relationship, parenting and healing. They are the founders and directors of the Shared Heart Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to the healing and integrity of individuals, couples and families.

Call TOLL-FREE 1-800-766-0629 (locally 408-684-2299) or write to the Shared Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140, Aptos, CA 95001, for a free newsletter from Barry and Joyce, further information on their books, tapes and training programs, or their schedule of talks and workshops.

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