by Louise Hay

Dear Louise,
I have a problem with my boss. He is a good guy about 90 percent of the time. But for the other 10 percent, he is a ranting, raving lunatic who has horrible temper tantrums that he inflicts upon me (since I'm his secretary). I feel absolutely shattered inside when these episodes occur, and I always feel like quitting my job. However, my personal situation (I'm a single mother with kids) does not allow me to do so.

The strange thing is that after one of his blowups, my boss will be totally calm. I'm always expecting an apology, but one never comes. I'm afraid that if I tell him (during one of his calm periods) that this behavior is unacceptable, he'll blow up at me. What do you think is the best course of action to take?

Dear L.L.,
Your boss was raised in a family where tantrums were normal. He thinks that is the way to behave when things go wrong. It has nothing to do with you. However, you are under the law of your own consciousness, and you will always create the world you believe you deserve. This has to be a repeat of stuff that went on when you were a child. You made an excuse then for why you had to endure it, and you are making an excuse now for continuing to endure abuse. It will not be until women build up their own self-worth and self-esteem that they will no longer tolerate such behavior.

I once moved into a building where the landlord was known to frighten all the tenants. I used the affirmation: I ALWAYS HAVE A WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH MY LANDLORDS. He was always nice to me, and when I moved, he bought all my old furniture. I would suggest you use the affirmation: I LOVE MYSELF, AND I ALWAYS WORK FOR THE MOST WONDERFUL BOSSES. This will become a personal law for you, and no matter where you go, you will find a wonderful boss.

P.S. I run a very successful business. We never mistreat or abuse our employees in any way. We work four-day weeks, and joy and laughter is everywhere. I cannot understand running a business any other way.

Dear Louise,
I'm a single 38-year-old man. Through all these years, I have been working with myself, improving my self-esteem, going to therapy, changing my food habits, forgiving others and myself, etc. Everything helped me to overcome a very abusive relationship with my ex-lover. Now, I am very aware of my own wounds, and I understand why I chose a relationship like that. I feel so much better now that I've been alone for three years.

But my problem is that it seems to be so difficult to find the right partner. I can see very clearly when someone is abusive or has unresolved issues, and I don't accept that kind of relationship anymore. It is so much harder for me to find anyone who can fit my new expectations. I'm very happy with my process because I take care of myself, but I still feel very lonely and frustrated. Help me, please.

Dear V.M.H.,
Congratulations on all the work you have done. You are still in a testing process. You keep bringing in the "old relationships" to see if you will waver. I know this is a lonely period for you, but hang in there. Keep working on yourself. Don't give in to the old ways. You will come out the other side of the tunnel, and when you do, there will be someone who will fit the new vibration. Life will bring you the perfect partner when you are ready. Your ego wants it now. Your soul knows you need to be stronger in your love for yourself. Treat yourself the way you want your lover to treat you. Affirm: ALL IS WELL IN MY WORLD.

Dear Louise,
I'm a 40-year-old woman who came from a background of an alcoholic mother and a verbally and physically abusive father. I began "inner work" about two years ago. I have a particular problem that I find embarrassing to reveal, yet I know I must if I am to overcome it.

I'm attractive and intelligent, yet why am I "hurting" myself? I can't remember when it started, but I pick the skin off my feet and often eat the skin. Sometimes I do it till it bleeds. I also have a scalp problem—no matter how often I wash my hair or what special creams and shampoos I use, the scalp peels, and to be honest, I can't wait till it does so that I can start scratching it and peeling it till it bleeds, too.

I read in one of your books that anything to do with the skin relates to a sense of worthiness. Judging from the state of my living conditions and finances, I realize that is an issue since I find some way to sabotage my savings every month. I look forward eagerly to your reply.

Dear J.S.,
As a child they picked unmercifully on you. Now you are carrying on the family tradition by picking on yourself. There is a part of you that still believes the old family message that you're "not good enough and need to be punished." We are such obedient little children that we will accept almost any "family message" no matter how confused/unrealistic/stupid it may be. All right, now you have done your penance; you have assuaged your guilt; it is time for this to be over. I absolve you from any further punishment. The curse has been lifted.

Forget the past. From this moment on, I want you to think only about what you do want. Think thoughts that bring you joy and make you feel good. Your thinking is creating your future. Make it the best future you can imagine. If you find yourself picking, immediately forgive your parents. Affirm: I FORGIVE YOU BOTH, AND I AM FREE TO LOVE MYSELF! Your whole life will change for the better.

For a free catalog of books, audios, videos, and other products by Louise Hay and other Hay House authors, please call (800) 654-5126 or fax: (800) 650-5115. If you would like Louise to answer your letter in this publication, address your letter to: Dear Louise Column, c/o Hay House, Inc., P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100. Please visit the Hay House Website at: http://www.hayhouse.com. (Letters used in this column may be edited for length and clarity.)

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