Ask Louise

Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical teacher and the bestselling author of 18 books, including You Can Heal Your Life, Life! Reflections on Your Journey, and The Power Is Within You. Since beginning her career as a Science of Mind minister in 1981, she has assisted thousands of people in discovering and using the full potential of their own creative powers for personal growth and self-healing. Louise's works have been translated into 25 different languages in 33 countries throughout the world.

Dear Louise,

After the bombings in Oklahoma, Saudi Arabia, the possible bombing of TWA flight 800, and the information I heard that three buildings in Phoenix were supposed to be bombed recently by fanatics, I can't help but be enraged by what I hear on the news. It scares me that people in our world can be so violent and malicious.

What do you think is going to happen if this trend continues? Are you fearful for our country? I've never read your opinions on this subject, and I'm interested in what you have to say.

R.L., Kingman, AZ

Dear R.L.,

When people are raised in hatred, then terrorism seems natural to them. It is the ultimate act of blame. Blame is always a powerless act. It comes from believing that you have no control or responsibility over your circumstances. Those of us on the so-called path of enlightenment know that we are co-creators of our circumstances. Therefore, on some level, what is out there is a reflection of what we have within us. In order to heal the world, we need to heal the hatred in our own hearts. The best thing we can do is to work diligently to spread and share love throughout the world. As we do this, we must realize that all that is unloving will come to the surface to be healed. We must look at and see the fear, hatred, racism, abuse, terrorism and so on, in order to bring a new awareness to it. We cannot heal what we cannot or will not see.

We can see this as a frightening time, a time to let our own anger and rage emerge, or we can see these problems as opportunities to create healing. How you choose to use your mind is up to you. You can add to the problem or you can help heal it. When I hear of terrorist attacks or any crises in the world, I immediately surround the whole situation with white light. I send love and healing energy to everyone connected with it, including whoever may have done the damage. Rage and fear do not heal anything. Hatred begets hatred. An eye-for-an-eye philosophy makes everyone blind.

Let us all know and affirm: THINGS AREN'T GETTING WORSE; THEY ARE GETTING HEALED!

Dear Louise,

My husband and I are in our mid-twenties and have a pretty good marriage, but it's funny, it seems that the very quality that I admire about him is what drives me crazy. You see, he is quiet and reserved, which I like overall because I tend to be the opposite, but he is also usually anti-social in groups, barely responding to questions by others or making conversation. Also, he is completely resistant to attending any type of social engagement with me. For example, I can't get him to go to company parties, even when I express to him that I would like his support and that it would be a respectful and loving thing to do.

Should I just grit my teeth and deal with this part of his personality for the rest of my life, or can you think of some way in which I could gently prod him out of his shell?

T.F., Oceanside, CA

Dear T.F.,

Let's see your husband as perfect, whole, and complete as he is. You are also perfect, whole, and complete as you are. You both have a few different likes and dislikes. We create problems when we try to change the other person. The only person we can ever change is ourselves. So, instead of suffering and gritting your teeth, you could make peace with yourself, even if your husband does not care for social affairs. Most spouses hate company parties. If you enjoy being a social butterfly then you go. You can tell him all about it when you come home.

When your husband understands that you do not judge him, then he will relax. Let there be no threat to your marriage over these differences. In time he may change and enjoy social encounters more, or you may change and enjoy being quiet more. Affirm: I HAVE A LOVING, HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND. ALL IS WELL.

Dear Louise,

I am a man in my fifties who has been in an on-again, off-again relationship with the same woman for twelve years. I really want to love her and be with her, but it seems that as soon as I get very close (or she does), I back away and cause some problem that creates a rift in our relationship.

She thinks that the problem stems from my childhood, but I don't know. My brother and I were put in an orphanage by our mother when I was five, and I was there until I was eleven, although my mother did take my brother out a few years after he was put in. My girlfriend thinks that I'm too frightened to get too close to her for fear that she will take her love away. I'm not sure if this is an accurate assessment of the situation or not, but whatever the case, do you have any advice on how I can get over my tendency to always back away?

A. R., Toronto, CANADA

Dear A.R.,

All problems stem from childhood. Children who are sent to orphanages usually develop a lifelong fear of abandonment. It is very hard to release these deep-seated inner fears without going to therapy or doing some sort of deep inner work. There is still a part of you that is terrified that if you love someone, you will be abandoned once again, and your inner child does not know how he could handle that.

If you feel that you cannot go into therapy, then I would suggest that you do a series of meditations for your inner child. Talk to your inner child, call him by name, hold him in your arms, tell him you will always love him and be there for him, and promise him that you will never abandon him. Ask him what he needs to be happy. You may need to have many of these conversations in meditation until your inner child feels safe and loved. It is also vital that you consciously forgive your mother, or you will never be free. When you have accomplished this, then you will be free to love.

Also, be very clear that your very patient girlfriend is not your mother. Affirm: I HEAL THE PAST, AND I AM FREE TO LOVE!

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