A Path to Awakening

July, 1989. It was Saturday night, the last performance of the season. I had been dancing with two modern dance companies in Cleveland and teaching dance and aerobics classes. By Sunday morning, I was frightened to realize that I just couldn't move. "What's wrong with my body?" I asked myself.

September, 1989. For years, a dancer friend who was also a hands-on energy healer had been sending me flyers on an energy healer and author, Rosalyn Bruyere. I had a feeling it was time to meet her. I gathered my strength to talk to Rosalyn just as she was leaving to return to California. She gave me a hug and said I had the Epstein-Barr virus. She told me to work with a hands-on energy healer and that the healer would advise me further.

I was lucky enough to find a doctor who was able to confirm that the earaches and inability to move after a full season of performances were due to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which was caused by an Epstein Barr virus infection. After weekly sessions of hands-on energy healing, massage therapy and lymphatic massage, I was back to teaching after six months, and in nine months I was back to dancing again.

Once back on my feet, I would often go to Williamstown, Massachusetts to see Rosalyn, to receive spiritual teachings and to learn about Native American ways and traditions of the Bon-Po [the oldest spiritual tradition in Tibet]. She frequently mentioned a teacher of dance named Emilie Conrad-Da'oud while demonstrating a movement called "undulation" that Emilie had been teaching. Rosalyn and Emilie had previously worked with Dr. Valerie Hunt, a professor of kinesiology at UCLA. Dr. Hunt had discovered that biological, organic and specific movements, such as the undulating wave motion, would record higher frequencies, amplitudes, and vibrational capacity than those of large muscular movements. This was Emilie's undulation movement.

One January morning in 1994, I found myself spontaneously undulating in bed. My body knew something my mind had not yet discovered. It was time to meet this woman Emilie.

July 13, 1994. My friend, Karen, and I were on our way back from a meeting with her doctor. We had been demonstrating to the doctor the hands-on energy work we had done which had been effective on Karen's osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis. While driving back, we were stopped at an intersection. When the light turned green, I looked both ways. Since there were no cars, I began to drive forward. "Watch Out!" I heard Karen exclaim. I took a quick, horrified gasp of air and in slow motion, a streak of brown appeared out of nowhere and I could hear the crush of metal as my car collided with the other. Then suddenly, my life seemed to be momentarily suspended.

The police came by to notify us that the hit and run driver was caught after two women kicked off their high heels, hiked up their dresses and chased him into a restaurant dead end, where the police apprehended him. The policeman said that if we had been driving a split second faster we would have died in the accident. It was a miracle that we were both still alive. Karen and I looked gratefully at each other, appreciative for all the internal and spiritual work we had done. Little did we know that this was only the beginning of a much larger journey.

Although the accident occurred within seconds, its effects on me were dramatic and prolonged. I went through a period of shock and trauma. How are these states defined? According to Webster's dictionary, shock is "a violent shake or jar...a sudden or violent mental or emotional disturbance...a strike with surprise, terror, horror, or disgust; to cause to undergo a physical or nervous shock." Webster's defines trauma as "an injury to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent."

The doctor told me I had a mild case of shock and trauma and told me to rest. So I did. In a mission to move as quickly out of these states as possible, I also went to all the hands-on energy workers I knew. Although they were the best in Cleveland and the energy work did help, I was still in a great deal of post-accident pain and was still far "out of my body," feeling as if I were hovering over myself and as though I were looking into a mist. I could not focus or concentrate. I felt as dispersed as thin air.

July 17,1994: I arrived at Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York. Omega is an institute for holistic studies there and a "spiritual camp" for adults where I finally had the opportunity to meet Emilie and be introduced to her work, Continuum. When I called to register for Emilie's workshop, there "happened" to be one space left. Could it be fate that brought me there?

Each day at Omega, we dove deeper and deeper into the ocean of the Self. Since we are mostly water, each breath, sound, and wave-like movement created a change in the texture of my internal world. I thought to myself, how much better this way of meditating is at quieting my mind than is any mental exercise. In the past, when I would try to sit and meditate, my mind would fill with a "laundry list" of mundane tasks to take the space of quiet stillness. At Omega, I adventured into new territory, calling my whole being present, including my physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and energetic bodies.

I discovered my internal [self] deepening and my resonance and my connection with the watery part of me and the watery part of Mother Earth. I felt her arms embrace me, bringing back my wholeness of being that had been taken away by the car accident. In a week of constantly changing form and being willing to face the death of what was past patterns, I found myself more grounded and more in my body than ever before. I could feel the density, strength and resilience of my physical form. I could be a presence, and was present, with myself, for myself, and in myself. I had found an inner tranquillity. I felt alert, I felt alive.

The inner peace I felt was like a small yet powerful drop of water in the vastness of the ocean. I had come to understand that ripples are created by one small drop of water and that I could influence the resonance of the larger body of water as I stayed present with myself. How could I have lived all these years without understanding how important conscious, intentional living was?

July 10, 1997. The energy around me was chaotic that day. Little did I know that a simple drive would lead to a challenge to my system. I looked down at my speedometer. It registered 25 mph since it was a high traffic area. I saw a car in the opposite lane make a quick left turn as though I was not even there. I couldn't stop fast enough and collided with the turning car. After the impact, I tried to calm myself. I thought, "I'm okay even though my whole body is shaking. Stay in my body? Stay in my body! Where are my feet? Breathe! Send wave motion down to the Earth and ground! Breathe!" I thought to myself, "Why not use this as a test in dealing with the aftermath of the accident?" I was able to stay calm and keep myself grounded, yet I could not stay there for long. Nor could I keep a thorough focus after all the paper work and police reports had been filed. This accident gave me a chance to prove to myself what my mind and body had simultaneously learned.

Since containing my energy was a challenge, I decided to phone a fellow Continuum follower. Together, we focused on one Continuum-based breath at a time. We began to breathe together on the phone, creating a larger energy field than mine alone. Three rounds of breaths and about 15-20 minutes later, I could feel the fullness of my body like the firmness of a water balloon. I was coherent, focused, and could feel all my sensations inside, as well as feel all the trauma release and dissipate. The shock and the pain from the car accident was fully and completely out of my body and psyche. I had no more fear of driving, and no more pain. I felt my body come back into the watery, fluid world again. I was free of the trauma.

As I enter Continuum, I create an opportunity to access knowledge by learning through the spectrum of the mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, kinesthetic and energetic bodies. The combined senses facilitate a full and plentiful experience, bringing about a rich womb-like field of energy, allowing a sense of safety to develop along with an increased level of growth and health.

I now understand Continuum to be one way to be so present with myself that I am able to penetrate through my own armoring and live moment by moment. It is a conscious adventure into my own felt sense, unfolding sensation so my nervous system becomes self referrential. I find I'm receiving myself through all of my senses: my eyes, ears, nose, mouth, skin and, of course, my intuition and inner intelligence. It is a way to find my fluidity and power and a way to communicate with my inner healer. I've discovered a portal for new life, bringing me freedom to live in the present. Grounded in my sensation, I can feel myself expanding and my new form emerging.

As I participate with myself, I can feel my connection with the biosphere; Mother Earth and the larger fluid Universe come filtering through. All there is, is me and the organic waves of breath, sound, undulating movement and the intent that is layered within. I have found the wave of communication -- within myself, within Mother Earth, within the Universal one mind. I have found the words that carry waves of communication so that my eyes can speak to others' eyes, the hearing that goes beyond the spoken words, the language that all souls can understand. I have found the language of movement.

Janet Ko has danced with two modern dance companies in Cleveland and teaches dance and aerobics classes.

For information on the Awakening Your Body - Continuum Basics weekend workshop which will be taking place on October 11 & 12 in Chicago, a Deepening class on October 13 or private sessions with Ko October 14 - 16, 1997, please contact Julie Andelin, 773/472-5298.

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