Ask Louise
Louise L. Hay
is a metaphysical teacher and the bestselling author of You Can Heal Your Life, The Power Is Within You and Meditations to Heal Your Life . Louise's work has been translated into 23 different languages in 30 countries around the world. Currently, Louise is speaking around the United States at Empowering Women conferences. Her new book, Empowering Women is available everywhere.
Dear Louise,
My husband of three years has been smoking pot every night since
he got out of college almost two decades ago. At first, I didn't
mind that he indulged in what I consider an addiction every night
when he came home from work. He holds a good job, and he is not
abusive in any way. But more and more, it has started to bother
me.
I feel that pot deadens emotions, not allowing a person to really
feel anything. Whenever something unpleasant arises, my husband
just lights up a joint instead of allowing himself to experience
his feelings. I believe this affects our love life and our level
of communication. However, when I've asked him to stop smoking,
he has responded, "You knew who I was when you met me. I'm
never going to stop, so you have to make the choice about dealing
with it or not."
My dilemma is: Do I just let him be, or try to make him see that
he really is a drug addict?
B.J., Toronto, CANADA
Dear B.J.,
We cannot change other people! No matter how much we may
feel we know what is best for them. Your husband has never kept
secrets from you. You knew of his habits before you married him.
When you insist that he stop smoking, you only make his resistance
stronger. If you make this into a war, you will only lose. It
could even end your marriage. Do you want to go that far? Rather
than trying to change him, I would like to suggest that you work
on yourself.
It is important that you feel good, and your thoughts determine
whether you feel good or not. In the privacy of your own mind,
practice your affirmations for the kind of marriage you feel you
really want. Be careful that your affirmations only talk about
what you do want, not what you don't want. (Not: "I don't
want my husband to smoke," but "I want us both to be
very comfortable in this marriage.") Search your thoughts
and find those that make you feel good.
Find lots of things about your marriage to be grateful for. Love
yourself. Appreciate your life.
Allow the Universe to flow happiness and joy through you. Affirm:
I HAVE A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE, AND WE ARE BOTH HAPPY AND FREE!
Dear Louise,
I am a married man in my early 30s, and my wife and I have two
young children. I have a recurring fear that one might consider
irrational, and I wonder if you can help me overcome it. Basically,
I am constantly afraid that my wife will die and leave me alone.
Every time she drives off in her car, I fear that she will have
a car accident. I'm even afraid that she'll fall in the bathtub
or have some other freak accident in the house.
I know it is silly to worry about such things, but I can't seem
to get these feelings out of my mind. My wife is young and vital,
and there is no real reason for me to think that she won't live
for many more decades. But my mind isn't cooperating with my logic.
Can you help?
T.R., Roanoke, VA
Dear T.R.,
What was your greatest fear when you were a child? What I am hearing
in your letter is the voice of a little child who had to deal
with abandonment very early in life. Did someone in your family
die and leave you? Perhaps there was a divorce. When was the earliest
time you can remember having these feelings? Your feelings are
not irrational at all; they come from a time of loss in your childhood.
It is a good thing you are reaching out for help.
Now that you have found happiness with your wife and children,
you fear that it will be taken from you. Some sort of counseling
or grief therapy would be very good for you. You are blessed to
have the Lifestream Center in Roanoke. Go and talk to the people
there. I would suggest Carolyn Bratton. You will find them very
helpful in releasing your fears. A good affirmation for you would
be: I DESERVE ALL GOOD IN LIFE, AND I AM SAFE!
Dear Louise,
I am an 83-year-old widow, and I'm just fed up with life. I've
raised a family, they live far away, and I'm all alone. Most of
my friends have passed away. I wake up in the morning, eat breakfast,
watch TV, and then sit around wondering what to do with myself.
Please don't tell me to join a senior citizen's club or be a foster
grandparent. I really have no interest. Anyway, I live in an outlying
suburban area, and I can only get around by bus, so my mobility
is limited.
To be honest, sometimes I just feel like ending it all, as I really
feel that I don't have much to live for. I shudder to think that
I might have to go on like this for another ten years or so. What
advice do you have for someone like me?
O. P., Kutztown, PA
Dear O.P.,
You seem very clear on what you don't want. Have you given any
thought as to what you really would like? If you could have anything
you wanted, what would it be? How would you like to live the rest
of your life? You have the opportunity before you to be a point
of Light there in your home in Kutztown, sending out blessings
to the entire Universe! And in doing so, those blessings return
to you multiplied! Isn't that an awesome thought? I just read
about seniors in Roanoke, Virginia, who are going back to school
to learn how to use computers. What an incredible learning experience
that could be for you to learn something new and exciting! Eighty-
three is still young. I know of a 96-year-old woman who is the
social director of her senior citizen's community! She is busy
every day helping others. You are still here; you haven't left
the planet yet. Enjoy your life. Be willing to receive new ways
of thinking! Embrace the people in your life, and above all, love
and appreciate the fact that you are who you are.
Learn to love yourself. Choose thoughts that make you feel good.
Only you can make yourself happy. The only place you can really
live is in your mind. Affirm: MY LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING, AND I
LOVE IT!
For a free catalog of books, audios, videos, and other products by Louise Hay and other Hay House authors, please call (800) 654-5126 or fax: (800) 650-5115. If you would like Louise to answer your letter in this publication, address your letter to: Dear Louise Column, c/o Hay House, Inc., P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100. Please visit the Hay House Website at: http://www.hayhouse.com. (Letters used in this column may be edited for length and clarity.)
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