Swami Beyondananda
Dear Swami:
We have made great strides against discrimination in this country,
and nearly every week there is another story of the government
or large corporation apologizing to some wronged party. My question
is, what about those of us who have no fancy organizations to
speak out for us? What about the little guy, Swami? Aren't we
a minority too?
Delano Moore,
Chicago, Illinois
Dear Delano:
It's funny you should mention the little guy, because I'm looking
at an article right here in the Natural Inquirer entitled
"Dwarves To Sue." Apparently, back there in the early
'40s, when Disney was making Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,
a number of dwarfs were rejected because they didn't fit Disney's
snow white image. The last surviving rejected dwarf, Stinky, issued
the following statement: "On behalf of my good friends Sleazy,
Slimy, Scummy, and Snotty, I am initiating this class action suit
against the Disney corporation. We feel we were unjustly discriminated
against because of our personalities and the way we looked and
acted."
As a precedent for this action, Stinky cited two similar cases
which involved a rejected Marx Brother (Barfo) and two of Donald
Duck's nephews who didn't make the cut (Phooey and Screwy). In
a related development, two of the original seven dwarfs have just
won a lawsuit of their own. Dopey, Grumpy and Sneezy were demanding
equal treatment from bars that featured "Happy Hours."
Following a ruling in their favor by a California court, bars
in that state will now have to have Grumpy Hour and Dopey Hour
as well. Sneezy Hour was rejected because of its obvious public
health implications. And if this news about great strides for
the little person isn't enough, I've got more good news for you.
We are on the threshold of true minority rights. Yes, in the very
near future we will have the realization that each of us is a
minority of one. Not even the universe can make a duplicate of
us. In other words, each of us is unique -- just like everybody
else.
Dear Swami:
I don't know how many of your readers have this same pet peeve,
but it bugs the heck out of me to get one of those chain letters
in the mail, especially "new age" chain letters. Instead
of asking for money, these idiotic anonymous notes ask you to
take time out of your busy day and mail this "message of
love" to five or more of your "friends." But the
worst thing about these letters is that they contain an embedded
"curse" -- such and such failed to send the letter and
his cat drowned or he lost his job or he missed winning the lottery
by one digit. I don't need to be told anonymously to anonymously
send love to five of my friends, and I certainly don't need to
be cursed if I don't. Swami, I'm writing to you because I sense
you are in touch with the deepest wellsprings of human motivation.
Tell me, what kind of moron would take the time to send such a
letter?
Stan McGround,
Petaluma, California
Dear Stan:
I really don't know. Probably a moron with lots of time on his
hands. But I will offer this bit of advice. Be careful about calling
chain letter senders morons. You wouldn't want to offend a real
moron, would you?
Dear Swami:
Each day when I come home from work, my dog Sparky is eagerly
waiting for me with my slippers and the daily paper. The problem
is, both of these are chewed beyond usefulness. When I walk into
my home, I find upturned plants, downturned trash and a trail
of mischief that leads right to Sparky. Swami, he's a wonderful
friendly dog but I can't handle his behavior problem. And please
don't recommend obedience training. I tried that once, but he
refused to go. Any ideas?
Russell Papers,
Towson, Maryland
Dear Russell:
If you had read my pamphlet, "Teach Your Dog To Heal,"
you would know that dogs are natural-born healers. No bones about
it, unconditional love is the greatest healer. And who is better
equipped to give unconditional love than person's best friend?
Remember that medicine they used to advertise that was "nature's"
spelled backwards? Well, Dog is God spelled backward. It is a
known scientific fact that the mere sight of a friendly dog induces
the human body to produce puptides, hormones that create a sense
of well-being. These puptides, in turn, produce fidochemicals
which enhance our immune system. Studies show that dogs are 55%
more effective than psychiatrists in treating mental illness.
Dogs are experts at communicating love directly, they are born
listeners, and even those dogs without formal training know when
to use a firm paw or gentle nuzzle. Not only that, but dogs are
nonhabit-forming and have no unpleasant side effects (provided
you watch where you're stepping).
So the solution to your problem is simple. Your dog needs a job.
While you're at work, he needs to be at work, too. It's time for
Sparky to get off the dole and become a useful, productive citizen.
As the old saying goes, idle paws make Sparky a bad dog. Fortunately,
I just heard about this group dedicated to converting bad dogs
into good dogs. They are called the Salivation Army, and they
specialize in providing friendly dogs to spend time at children's
hospitals and nursing homes. Try this, and I guarantee Sparky
will have a new leash on life.
Copyright 1997 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved.
SWAMI SPECIAL! Now you can buy Swami's three hilarious
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For All It's Worth for free -- a $43 value for just $29! Add $3
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