by Louise HayDear Louise, Although I do have control over some of my thoughts and feelings (e.g., guilt, anger, resentment), unfortunately, I have no control over my feelings of anxiety, fear and panic -- unless I take some kind of medication. The most potent (and effective) medication is the prescription drug Xanax, although sometimes I can benefit from a natural preparation such as Calms Forte or Rescue Remedy. I do not want to have to rely on Xanax for the rest of my life, but I am at my wit's end trying to overcome this problem. I wake up extremely early every morning, and I am usually shaking with fear and panic. The underlying cause may be physiological. No amount of positive thinking seems to make any difference in this area. I would truly welcome any suggestions. Thank you so much! Dear C.A., Dearest One, help is at hand. I am glad you have already tried some natural remedies because you will be open to this one. St. John's Wort is a natural herbal antidepressant. It can be found in any health food store and has no side effects. St. John's Wort is an herb that has been around forever and is now becoming popular in this country. Dr. Harold Bloomfield recently even had a write-up in People magazine on the positive effects of this herb. Taking it will help you enormously. Also, I would suggest you eliminate all sugar from your diet. Sugar aggravates anxiety. In the meantime, do get some professional help. You need some therapy to unearth the mental cause of this terror. It must be an old childhood memory that needs to be released. If finances are short, go to Al-Anon. Their meetings are godsends to people in panic. I ALLOW MY HEALING TO TAKE PLACE NOW. I AM SAFE! I know you will come out of the tunnel of fear.
Dear Louise, I was raised by a business-minded mother and father who worked out of the country during my childhood, so I spent a lot of time alone and felt neglected. As I grew up, I became increasingly quiet and shy, and I developed an inferiority complex. Now, at the age of 44, I seem unable to fulfill my life goals. It seems there is always something holding me back. For instance, when I'm talking with a group of people, I am unable to communicate effectively. I feel uneasy, often intimidated, and blocked. I want to become a writer, but that goal seems out of reach. I have such a hard time expressing myself just in conversation. I enrolled in a nonfiction writing course when I was young, but my father discouraged me because he felt I wasn't qualified. But I have so many ideas inside me longing to get out! What is it that I need to develop within me? How can I overcome my weaknesses and realize my goals?
Dear G.V.L., First of all you have no weaknesses. You are a Divine, Magnificent Expression of Life who is about to blossom. You, like me, are probably a late bloomer. I did not begin to come out of my shell until my mid-40s. We were both raised with challenges, and we can overcome them. I know you would be helped greatly by taking a Dale Carnegie course. Almost every city has one. They are very loving, kind, sympathetic people who specialize in uncovering the talents within you. In addition, you need to do a lot of forgiveness work with your parents. They were doing the best they could with the understanding, knowledge, and awareness they had. They learned how to raise a child from their parents. I believe we choose our parents for the challenges they give us. We are here to love ourselves in spite of what they did to us. Stop living in the past and bring yourself into the now. Every day take some time to look in the mirror and tell yourself how much you love you. Ask the question each day, "HOW CAN I MAKE YOU HAPPY, HOW CAN I LOVE YOU MORE?" Only you can give your inner child the love it needs. When you do, you will blossom.
Dear Louise, I'm writing this letter for some advice on having faith. I'm a 29-year-old male who has been in and out of prison most of my adult life. I'm a recovering addict, but my level of faith is very small. I'm coming up for parole at the end of this month, but I simply have no faith. I read a very good book that you once recommended in your column, called House of Healing, by Robin Casarjian. It helped a lot, but I still lack faith. Please help with this matter.
Dear S.G., I applaud your efforts to understand more and to heal yourself. We all grow up with challenges, and yours must have been more difficult than most. We are not born victims and criminals. This is learned behavior. If we have learned it as children, we can still unlearn it as adults. Goodness knows, I had plenty to unlearn. The faith you lack is faith in yourself. On some level, you blame yourself for the difficult experiences you had as a child. You need to know that whatever happened when you were small was not your fault. It was never your fault. Like all of us, you need to forgive your early caregivers, and you need to forgive yourself. Even if you can only take baby steps, begin to love and cherish the little child within you. This is where your healing begins. When you start to love yourself -- not for your antisocial behavior, but for the Divine Child within you, then you will begin to have faith -- first in yourself, then in Life. Life will always give you what you believe you deserve. Affirm: I AM DEVELOPING A STRONG FAITH IN MYSELF AND IN LIFE. I AM SAFE!
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