Dear Louise,

I am a 45-year-old woman who has never been married. I have no children and I attract men who are very much like my father (alcohol/drug abusers with low self-esteem). I know that I deserve a partner who does not need drugs or alcohol to make his life good, but even when I consciously establish a relationship with someone different, it never sticks.

Are there any affirmations you can give me that will help break these patterns and make it possible for me to attract a worthy man? Thank you for your help.

Dear D.A.,

Until we can forgive our parents for their shortcomings, we recreate them in our lives over and over again. Before we can truly forgive others, we need to forgive ourselves. The door to the heart opens inwards. I would like to suggest that you do "mirror work." Sit down in front of a large mirror — it is useful to have a supply of tissues handy — and begin to talk to your father. Tell him that you understand he was doing the best he could, coming from the background he was raised in. Talk to that little boy in him who never had a chance to grow up feeling good about himself. Tell him that you forgive him and that you release him with love.

Second, talk to yourself while looking in the mirror. Use your own name and say: I LOVE YOU ________, AND I FORGIVE YOU FOR HOLDING ON TO OLD, LIMITING BELIEFS FOR SO LONG. YOUR FATHER NO LONGER HAS ANY POWER OVER YOU. YOU HAVE SET YOURSELF FREE. YOUR NEW SELF-WORTH NOW ALLOWS YOU TO ATTRACT A VERY WORTHY MAN. Then describe all the qualities you would like this man to have. End by saying: YOU DESERVE ONLY THE BEST IN LIFE, AND I LOVE YOU. I REALLY, REALLY LOVE YOU.

Dear Louise,

My sister recently pointed out to me that I have had "my head in the sand" concerning my 37-year-old son's addictions to marijuana and alcohol. I realize now that I have "numbed out" rather than face the issue honestly, which is what I did when I was married to his alcoholic father — and probably what I did earlier in my life.

My son has a Ph.D., and he is very "smart." I guess I thought his high IQ would help him solve these problems, but it hasn't. What can I do to help him and to help myself?

Dear W. P.,

If you were brought up in a family where "denial" was common, then your reaction to your son's addiction is very normal. Remember, most parents usually don't want to see that their children have problems of this sort. It brings up too many guilt feelings: "Where did I go wrong?" You were the best mother you were capable of being at that time, so please don't berate yourself. Let us look for solutions instead.

Don't try to "fix" your son, for he is under the law of his own consciousness. If you truly want to help your son and yourself, then your first step it to go to Al-Anon for a few meetings. They are experts in this sort of problem and are easily found in the Yellow Pages. You will come to understand yourself in a very loving way and find guidelines for helping your son to heal.

Affirm: OUR HEALING HAS BEGUN, AND WE ARE SAFE.

Dear Louise,

I am a 26-year-old woman recovering from alcoholism — I just received my nine-month token. I don't know how I got this far, but I have. My problem is the apartment complex I've lived in for the last two years. It's low-income housing, which is all I can afford right now, and the living conditions repulse and depress me. A young man died of a heroin overdose about two months ago, and my car was stolen six months after I moved in here. Since then, I have felt like a rat in a cage — hopeless and trapped.

People have advised me to get a job, go to school and then get a good job, but I haven't acted on this advice. With my current education, I could only get a "minimum-wage-slave" job, and that wouldn't put me any further ahead than I am right now — which is on government assistance. I still couldn't afford to move out of here. My family can't — or won't — help me. They've put up with me for years and seem to be burned out by me. So what can I do? What empowering affirmations can you suggest to me?

Dear B.E.,

Congratulations on coming this far in your healing process. You have the strength and the power to turn your life around completely and you are well on your way. You are right to look for affirmations to help you. The surroundings you find yourself in are merely reflections of your "past" thinking processes. These outer conditions will change as you continue to do your mental work. No matter where you are in life, you still think in the privacy of your own mind. Old thinking produced old results. New thinking will lift you out of the mire.

Here are some affirmative thoughts that will help you change your life. Repeat them out loud many times during the day and before you go to sleep: IT IS SAFE TO LOVE MYSELF. I AM WILLING TO FORGIVE THE PAST. I AM A WORTHWHILE PERSON. I DESERVE ONLY GOOD IN MY LIFE. I AM SURROUNDED BY LOVING, HELPFUL PEOPLE. LIFE NOW PRESENTS NEW OPPORTUNITIES TO ME. I TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE OPPORTUNITIES. I AM WILLING TO LEARN AND TO GROW. I AM WILLING TO LET MIRACLES HAPPEN.