Money & Spirit Forum
Fred Brown
What can you learn about yourself from the home you own?
Recently I heard three tales about people's traumas surrounding the sale of their homes -- which reminded me of the importance of understanding the spiritual significance of the home in our lives.
Thinking over these cases reinforced my feelings that our home is equivalent to our own psychological center. It is the outer space which reflects our inner space -- ego and spirit -- and the type of home we buy or rent, and the furniture, decorations and pictures we purchase, are mirrors of who we are or hope to be.
In dealing with the financial concerns in these cases, those involved would have benefited from understanding the link between their homes and their psyches since it would have given them valuable insights into how they could have avoided getting into these situations.
The first case was a young couple who lived in Philadelphia. They were in the process of moving to Texas where they had been offered jobs. Selling the house they owned in Philadelphia became a problem because the realtor told them that the house was worth much less than their purchase price, and that they would have to remodel the kitchen and the living room if they were to get their money out of it.
They were surprised by realtor's low evaluation even though they had been warned by their parents and friends that they shouldn't buy a house, especially if it needed remodeling, when they knew they weren't going to stay in Philadelphia for more than two years. Everyone had said the chances of the house appreciating in value were small, and they could have trouble selling it.
But as their mother said to me about their son, "Jim had a fetish about owning old houses. When his father and I told him that it was a risky investment, he wouldn't listen to us. He had to have that house."
I had worked with others who were driven to own certain houses, and in cases like Jim's, in which the house was totally inappropriate, I was usually able to help them control this drive by showing them how their egos and these houses were connected, and how their buying houses that might be too much for them was a way of inflating their egos. The key to motivating them to change their minds was not only the possible negative financial consequences if they got stuck with the house, but their understanding of the psychological stress such a purchase would create for them.
Unfortunately, the couple from Philadelphia had none of this input and felt impelled to spend thousands of dollars fixing up their house which still hasn't sold.
The second case involved a man, who in searching for peace of mind, gave up his job and house back east to live in the house he owned in Colorado. In his case, he didn't examine the psychological and financial implications of making this switch until he came to see me. In drawing up his financial summary we found that his mortgage payments on this house were more than he could afford. He told me contritely that he wasn't surprised since the house in Colorado was almost a replica of the house he owned in the east. It was large and reflected the grand style of living he had been accustomed to.
"You probably couldn't help buying it," I remembered saying, "you were so caught up in making your own statement."
Initially, to accommodate his wish to stay, I suggested that he try to refinance his mortgage; but he found that the costs of refinancing were over $4,000, and the payments on the new mortgage would still be too high. Overwhelmed by the thought of moving again, the man tried to persuade me that he could stay in his house despite its costs. Realizing that this was totally unrealistic, I explained to him that his house was a symbol of his inner self, and that by staying in a house he couldn't afford, he would be creating an unrest in himself similar to that which he had had when he was living in the east. Recognizing the truth of what I said, the man agreed to look for a more appropriate home.
In the final case, I knew a builder in Albuquerque who ruined her chances of owning the house she built because she spent so much time remodeling it that her husband divorced her and forced her to sell it as part of their property settlement. In her case, she got so preoccupied in expanding her ego through her home that she didn't have time for her husband.
To prevent ourselves from letting our egos run roughshod over us when dealing with our homes, it's well to remember the connection between our homes, our egos and our spirits. The three have to be in sync if we are to manage them well.
Fred Brown, personal financial consultant, is the author of Money and
Spirit, published by A.R.E. Press. The book can be ordered directly
by contacting him on line, 103111,3337@compuserve.com
or telephone (505) 466-2436.
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