Dear Swami:
I've noticed that so many of the great teachers take their students on journeys to sacred sites or beautiful places or to swim with the dolphins or whatever. I haven't seen your name associated with any of these various tours, however. Do you ever take folks on traveling quests, Swami?
Ron D'Vous, Halifax, Nova Scotia

Dear Ron:
Coincidentally, I just got back from one such journey -- Shark Quest, it is called. Each year, I take a group of attorneys to Hawaii to swim with the sharks. And it's a fabulous deal. Air fare is half price because it's generally one-way.

Dear Swami:
Each month, it seems, I get some e-mail about a new worldwide meditation for peace -- and yet, world strife continues unabated. Iraq, Africa, Kosovo, the death toll keeps mounting. Are we meditators doing something wrong? Is there a way we can make our prayers for humankind more effective?
Aretha Flowers, Asheville, North Carolina

Dear Aretha:
Yes, I've often wondered about humankind and human kindness. Is humankind basically kind or is humankind unkind? And what kind of humankind are we becoming -- the kind kind or the unkind kind? Peace prayers are certainly a step in the right direction, but tend to be too abstract and conceptual. It reminds me of the event coordinator several years ago whose marketing strategy involved a daily meditation where she imagined a full house. On the evening of the event, sure enough -- we had a room full of imaginary people.

I think the healing of planetary hot spots needs to be brought right into the tangible and physical -- and what better way than through planetary massage? I recommend you and your friends buy some of those soft, cuddly Hug-A-Planets, and sit together in meditation and celebration holding them in your laps. Then, while singing "We've Got the Whole World In Our Hands," gently massage the hot spots, the areas of tension, tightness and distress. Gently, gently, gently whisper words of love and encouragement. Please don't rub too hard -- you don't want to accidentally set off a scud, do you? Now of course, there are those who would say that we Westerners are just imperialists praying on Third World nations. But can it do any harm? Could anyone manhandle the world any more than it is being manhandled now? When Slobodan Milosevic bursts out of his compound, hands waving in the air and shouting, "Enough! Enough! Stop slobbering on my country! I surrender! I surrender!" we will know we have succeeded.

Dear Swami:
I know that for many months you have refused to comment on the impeachment crisis in America. Now that the ordeal is finally over, what is your take? Is the acquittal a sign of decadence or enlightenment? What have we learned from this sad affair?
Colin Clense, Melbourne, Australia

Dear Colin:
Certainly the trial and all that led up to it was a spectacle, and what better use for a spectacle than to help us magnify? First of all, this was a political rebalancing where the public decided that in regards to the culture wars, the Left was a little more right -- and consequently, the Right got left. And who could blame them? Those apparently healthy young House Managers in the forefront of the prosecution were sadly found to be suffering from "strombosis" -- and you can't expect to make it in the new millennium with hardened, 96-year-old attitudes. The vast majority of Americans were unwilling for Ken Starr's "Cootie état" to succeed -- that is where you search for cooties and then use them as a pretext to thwart the will of the people. Now Bill Clinton may or may not have exposed himself to Paula Jones. But the religious right most certainly exposed themselves to the American public. And in the final analysis, Americans decided they'd rather put up with one Slick Willie than an entire Dick Armey.

Copyright 1999 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved.

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