Dear Swami:
You've written a lot about humor and laughter, but I haven't seen you say anything about happiness. Could you expound on the nature of true happiness?
Lynn C. Doyle,
Los Altos, California

Dear Lynn:
First of all, let me say that I am not an exponent of expounding. Bashing former mates may feel good in the short run, but it is not the way to lasting happiness. However, I will answer your question anyway. It is true that in recent years, the pursuit of happiness has become one of our society's favorite pastimes. But like the dog chasing a car, the thrill is in the pursuit -- it is rare indeed to see a dog lounging in the sun munching contentedly on a Toyota. And in fact, a billion dollar consumer industry has grown up to encourage this pursuit -- an industry that would likely go out of business if enough people actually found the happiness they doggedly pursue.

Sadly, money can't buy happiness -- even though it can rent it for a while. Ask anyone who's had a near-debt experience, and they will tell you the pleasure of having can rarely make up for the pressure of owing. Happiness is an inside job, and when we embody happiness in the now we find that it pursues us rather than the other way around. Take, for example, the contention that low frequencies can cause depression. Studies show that folks whose frequency is once or twice a year tend to be more depressed than those whose frequency is more frequent -- like three times a week. And yet, I remember meeting a man whose frequency was extremely low, and yet I've never seen anyone happier or more aglow. I had to ask how he did it. "You've just told me your frequency is once every six years, and yet you're smiling as if you're the happiest man on earth. Why is that?"
"Because tonight's the night," he replied. And when we're happy in the here and now, tonight is always the night.

Dear Swami:
By now, you will have revealed Elvis's message for the millennium to those who have gathered at your shows. Well, how about the rest of us Presleyterians. Can we hear the King's message as well?
Juan Knight,
Memphis, Tennessee

Dear Juan:
Well, you may not be able to hear Elvis's message, but you can certainly see it. The message, which came to me during a visit to the Shrine of the Velvet Elvis in Toledo, contains the titles of 31 Elvis songs:

Hymn to the King

I got stung one night
Now and then there's a fool such as I
I'm all shook up, I'm in a mess of blues
It's now or never, Big Hunk of Love
I need Your love tonight
And I won't step on Your blue suede shoes

Love me tender, please surrender, return to sender
Love me tender, please surrender, return to sender

Lovin' You is too much
I wanna be your teddybear
I'll even wear Your ring around my neck
My wish came true I'm stuck on You
Now I don't feel so bad
Because You're the Big Boss Man
You're the King by heck

Love me tender, please surrender, return to sender
Love me tender, please surrender, return to sender

Don't ask me why I follow that dream
You Hunk of Burning Love
I'm Yours so treat me right I beg of You
Suspicious minds tell me why
You're the devil in disguise
But I can't help falling in love with You

Love me tender, please surrender, return to sender
Love me tender, please surrender, return to sender

This Month's Unanswerable Question

Dear Swami:
I want to share with you something I just realized about shiatsu ...
There are two kinds of ki: yin and yang. Sometimes ki gets stuck and causes pain or disease. The purpose of shiatsu is to move the stuck energy out of the body, back to the ground or the sky where it is supposed to be. In other words, the purpose of shiatsu is to make that yang ki go home.
Philip Heller,
Mountain View, California

Copyright 1999 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved.

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