"Small Victories"
Our seventeen-year-old daughter, Mira, goes to a small, private school in the Santa Cruz Mountains. A junior in the high school, she is on the girls' volleyball team. There are only 20 girls in the high school, and ten of them are on the team. Most of the girls have very little experience, yet they play all the big high schools in Santa Cruz County. These schools can choose a team from a thousand students. The players are tall and skillful. Barry and I go to almost every game. The winner of a set is the one who wins three out of five. Usually only three games are played. We had never seen the girls win even one of the games. Yet even though they lose, these girls have amazing team spirit. They put their all into each volley and each point gained is a victory for them. They clap and congratulate each other. I have never seen a group with a higher, more positive attitude.
In the face of so many losses, they remain enthusiastic. Barry and I were late for the last game. We were greeted with the news that the girls had won their first game 15-3. Everyone was very excited. There was a group of some fifty people there to cheer the girls on, parents, teachers and students. The girls lost the next two games. The fourth game started out 0-9. It didn't look good. Then our girls had an amazing comeback and went on to win that game 16-14. It was a very exciting moment. We were going wild, jumping up and down, clapping, whistling and yelling. The next game, our girls lost 4-15 and therefore lost the match. But to those of us watching, it didn't even matter that the girls had lost the match. They had played well. To those of us watching, it felt as if they had won the state finals! The girls were ecstatic and such joy radiated from their faces. They had overcome many barriers with enthusiasm and cooperation. They lost every set, but they emerged as true winners in what is most important, a positive attitude and a celebration of the small victories.
Let this lesson carry through into your relationships as well. Celebrate what is working and the strengths you do have. Celebrate the small victories As you put your attention upon these qualities, you will help all other aspects of your relationship.
It is important for a couple to be grateful for the aspects of their relationship that really work. As you give attention and appreciation to the victories, these parts will get even stronger and more beautiful and will help the weaker areas. Barry and I have worked in the area of relationship for twenty-five years. We have met and talked with thousands of couples from all over the United States, Canada and Europe. The couples who are doing the best are the ones who celebrate what is good and wonderful in their relationship and work toward finer harmony. None of these couples have perfect relationships or perfect lives. Some have great barriers to overcome, like health and financial difficulties. Some are in recovery. Many have deep wounds from childhood. Yet these thriving couples don't spend much time sitting around lamenting their woes. Their first priority is to rejoice about what is going well and continually work on the rest. They celebrate the small victories far more than worrying about losing matches.
Spend SEVEN DAYS IN PARADISE this winter with Barry and Joyce, along with talented musician, Charley Thweatt, for a time of celebration, healing, and spiritual renewal for individuals and couples on the Big Island of Hawaii. This week can transform your whole life. Jan 23-30,1999. Call Jim Lipson at 520-721-1710 (Tucson, AZ) for more info.
Joyce and Barry Vissell have been a couple since 1964. A nurse and medical doctor, their main interest since 1972 has been counseling and teaching. As a result of the world-wide interest in their books, The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, and Light in the Mirror: A New Way To Understand Relationships, they travel internationally conducting talks and workshops on relationship, parenting and healing. They are the founders and directors of the Shared Heart Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to the healing and integrity of individuals, couples and families.
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Call TOLL-FREE 1-800-766-0629 (locally 408-684-2299) or write to the Shared Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140, Aptos, CA 95001, for a FREE newsletter from Barry and Joyce, further information on their books, tapes and training programs, or their schedule of talks and workshops.
