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Dear
Louise,
I
am a 44-year-old woman who wants to find a mate to spend my life with,
but I have one major obstacle: My closest brother committed suicide over
25 years ago, and I still can't get over that feeling of loss and great
sorrow. I have been in therapy, listened to self-help tapes, read books
and talked to friends about it, but I find it very hard to love anyone
because I am afraid of losing them, too.
I know that someday someone will say the words in the right way to help
me over this. I am hoping that maybe you have some suggestions.
H.E., Denver, CO
Dear
H.E.,
No love lasts forever.
All relationships must end at some point. We do not own anyone. We are
privileged to share some time with our loved ones, and when their lives
end, we can choose to remember all the good times and rejoice in them.
Or, we can choose to endlessly suffer and make ourselves miserable.
When your brother died 25 years ago, you were a different person and handled
his death with great suffering on your part. Today you are still punishing
yourself because he chose to end his life in a certain way. You must let
go and release this guilt you have over his death. Ask your brother for
help.
Whatever pain and suffering he experienced while he was alive, it vanished
the instant he left the planet. To truly show the love you have for your
brother would be to enjoy life to the fullest and to love with all your
heart. Denying yourself love does not please your brother nor atone for
his death.
Only you can "say the right words" to release yourself. We are
all under the Law of Our Own Consciousness. No one can do it for us. When
you are ready, you will let go.
Dear
Louise,
I am at a loss as
to what my path is in life. I raised my children as a single mother, and
now I feel in limbo. Two years ago, I went to school to learn computers.
Now I have a job as a legal secretary, but I am more dissatisfied than ever.
I want to work as a healer (herbal/touch). My concern is that I don't know
whether
this is a fantasy I have because of my dissatisfaction with my life and
current job, or
is this finally "it." How do I find out if this is really where
my path in life leads?
R.Y., Detroit, MI
Dear
R.Y.,
Why can't you have
several paths? First a mother, then a legal secretary, now a healer. One
step leads to another. Study the healing arts part-time while you still
have your job. As you get proficient at it, you will naturally go from
one to another.
Love your current job; you won't have it much longer. It is important
that you learn to love your job. If you don't, you will take this dissatisfaction
into whatever field you choose next.
Dear
Louise,
Over the last six months I
have developed asthma. I have to take steroids to manage it, and my lungs
have fluid in them. I recognize that this is something I have created. Furthermore,
I have a gut feeling that it is linked to a specific event.
I had an acting teacher whom I was constantly uncomfortable around. I found
her to be loving one moment and then blameful and critical the next. One
day, when we were having quite a friendly chat, I made a lighthearted joke
about being poor. In jest, I suggested that she leave me some money in her
will.
Then, months later, out of the blue, she berated me about that joke, saying
that it was an indication of what a bad person I was. She said that I am
the last person she'd leave money to. However, I wasn't even seriously suggesting
it! I tried to apologize, but she wouldn't listen.
Since then I have been scared to contact her, and I have developed the asthma
that is steadily getting worse. Should I try to apologize again? I feel
that if I do, she will always have power over me.
S.K., Vancouver, B.C.
Dear S.K.,
Your acting teacher
probably has nothing to do with your asthma. I feel that this problem
goes back far earlier than the incident you describe. This teacher must
have treated you as did one of your parents, which is why you attracted
her into your life so you could heal an old issue. She may be a good teacher;
however, she sounds like a very disturbed lady. Pay no attention to what
she thinks or says about you. It has nothing to do with the "truth
of your being." You are, and always have been, a Divine, Magnificent
Expression of Life! Get into a class, as opposed to having a private teacher;
it would be better for you.
Asthma is often called "smother love." Children are so overprotected
or overcontrolled that they feel they are not able to breathe on their
own. It is time you stand on your own two feet and take care of yourself.
On a physical level, do pick up a copy of Healthy Healing by Linda Rector-Page,
and read her healing suggestions for asthma. Practice deep breathing several
times a day. Affirm to yourself, "I HAVE A RIGHT TO TAKE UP SPACE.
I HAVE A RIGHT TO LIVE MY OWN LIFE."
For
a free catalog of books, audios, videos, and other products by Louise
Hay and other Hay House authors, please call (800) 654-5126 or fax: (800)
650-5115. If you would like Louise to
answer your letter in this publication, address your letter to: Dear Louise
Column, c/o Hay House, Inc., P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100. Please
visit the Hay House Website at: www.hayhouse.com. (Letters used in this
column may be edited for length and clarity.) For information on becoming
a certified teacher of Louise Hay's philosophy, call Patricia Crane
at (800) 969-4584 in the U.S. and Canada, or at (714) 969- 9383 internationally.
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