by
Louise
Hay

Dear Louise,

My sister and I were physically and emotionally abused and neglected as children. As a result of this, I rejected my parents as role models early on and looked to other families for guidelines. However, old memories still haunt me, and now I have more nightmares about my mom than ever. I feel like there's tons of emotional pain deep inside me that keeps seeping out, and someday the dam will break and so much pain will flow forth I'll be drowned.

Should I just tell my parents that I don't want any contact between us anymore? I really don't wish them any suffering, but I wish I would never have to see or hear from them again, and I want the pain to go away.

Dear One,

Rejecting your parents for the time being is probably a good thing for you to do. It seems that the only way they can cope with their guilt is to go into denial. You are not here to heal them; you are here to heal yourself. You can drop them simple notes from time to time.

To begin your own healing, I think it would be a good idea to write your parents a letter, spilling out everything from deep down in your gut. End it by saying, "It is time for me to heal and to learn to love myself." Then, burn it and visualize all of the resentment and hurt going with it.

However, this alone will never make all the pain go away. Do connect with a practitioner or call Al-Anon Family Headquarters at 800-245-4656. Al-Anon programs can help in many areas, even if alcohol was not the primary source of abuse. Help is all around you. Reach out for it and know that the Universe is ready to help as soon as you ask. Affirm: I AM READY TO BE HEALED. I AM WILLING TO FORGIVE.

Dear Louise,

I have a problem with my boss. I have spent three years trying to discover one good thing about this man. He belittles, patronizes, pits people against each other, and sets us up for failure. One minute he pretends to like you, then he belittles you in front of your peers. Three women have brought discrimination charges against him, and since this is a government setting, he's still here and they're gone.

This guy's not going to beat me, but I believe I'm going to need more help. Any suggestions?

Dear One,

I sounds to me as if you are still trying to win Daddy's love. After reading and rereading your letter, I ask: "Why are you still working for this man?" I do advocate getting the lessons out of situations we are in, but maybe your lesson is to work on areas of your own life so you do not attract this kind of situation again. Get out! It is not loving yourself to stay in this kind of a situation, and it is not realistic to think you can change this man.

A good affirmation for you might be: I AM A KIND, LOVING PERSON; AND I WORK FOR KIND, LOVING PEOPLE..

Dear Louise,

I'm looking for some clarification regarding an answer you gave in one of your previous "Dear Louise" columns. You said, "Animals, like humans, have a time to come and a time to go. And, as with humans, disease is a socially acceptable way to go."

As a student of "death," I think that our beliefs about death and dying affect the way we live and are as important as anything in our search for enlightened living. But did you mean that we choose a disease as opposed to just choosing a time to leave this plane? And if so, do we do that because it's easier for ourselves, or for others, or both? I ask this because it is hard to accept when young to middle-age people just die for no apparent cause.

I would appreciate any light you could shed on this matter for me.

Dear One,

People come to this planet to learn certain lessons, and when the lesson is complete, they move on. The age that they do this is not important. An infant that leaves by crib death could have a more complete life than someone who lived to 97. Soul choices do not make sense to human mind limited thinking.

I believe that when our time to leave comes, we could just go to bed and go in our sleep. But our cultural mind set tells us that we must have "ways" to die. We use accidents, murders, natural disasters and, most of all, illness as our vehicles. These are all socially acceptable ways to go. Suicide is not culturally acceptable.

Become a student of "life," and as you allow yourself to see a larger and larger picture, you will find that "death" is only one small, normal, natural part of it. I believe that Life is eternal, and when we leave this plane of action, we move on to new experiences. The more love we learn to give and receive in this life, the more love we will find in our next life.

The above letters are excerpted from Louise Hay's book, Letters to Louise: The Answers Are Within You, published by Hay House.

For a free catalog of books, audios, videos, and other products by Louise Hay and other Hay House authors, please call (800) 654-5126 or fax: (800) 650-5115. If you would like Louise to answer your letter in this publication, address your letter to: Dear Louise Column, c/o Hay House, Inc., P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018- 5100. Please visit the Hay House Website at: www.hayhouse.com. (Letters used in this column may be edited for length and clarity.) For information on becoming a certified teacher of Louise Hay's philosophy, call Patricia Crane at (800) 969-4584 in the U.S. and Canada, or at (714) 969-9383 internationally.