I know what it's like to be so desperate for love that you hang on to anyone who's attractive to you--even when it's obvious to everyone else there's no hope for a lasting relationship.

Having been starved for affection, touch, and even food when I was a baby, I learned to "milk" love from every situation possible . . . even if only in my imagination! In fact, I got very good at imagining someone loved me when he couldn't make the most basic commitment of keeping a date or showing up on time. My heart hurt all the time.

How could I find real love?

We've all heard the words, "God loves you," perhaps since childhood, but how many of us believed it? Some of us even had a spiritual education including the concept of God as Love. Therefore, we should have an unlimited supply of love within us and around us. I may have believed all of this mentally, but certainly not in my heart. My self-esteem was so low I didn't really believe anyone loved me at all.

As much as I wanted someone to love me, I had to face an important fact: the only way for others to love me was for me to love me. To do this, I had to accept the greatest, most unconditional love of all, the higher love of God, or whatever you believe this higher power to be. In other words, I had to "think myself loved."

One thing that helped me greatly was to take time for myself daily to do a special spiritual exercise to heal my heart. I used an ancient love song to God common to many cultures and religions throughout history. It's HU, an ancient name for God. Even Hallelujah is derived from this word, HU. It's pronounced like the word "hue" and sung in a long, drawn out breath: "Huuuuuuuuuuu." (You can use any prayer, sacred word or song you love.) I then imagined a blue light flowing into my heart, where my heart hurt. The blue light helps to heal emotional patterns from this life or other lifetimes.

It took me many months to achieve results, but it was well worth it! My heart was finally healed and since then, I've had no more of that constant ache in my chest. My addiction to romantic love was gone.

Even though my life was filled with more love, I still wanted a relationship. I wasn't desperate anymore, just very interested. I opened my heart to meeting the right person and was tested on my new strength in choosing well.

I became involved with a successful, kind and generous man who was not likely to commit. A confirmed bachelor, he'd never been in love. He was perfectly content to live his life alone and relationships were "nice but not a priority," as he put it.

I had to think about what I really wanted. I decided I had to choose my direction and stick with it. I explained to my boyfriend that we could only go so far together unless we had common goals. Since my goal was marriage and his wasn't, we continued our great friendship and stopped dating romantically.

Finally, I'd had the courage to ask for what I wanted. Now I was free to find someone who wanted exactly what I wanted, marriage. However, this took some time!

Many men began to call me and each one had a "gift" for me, a treasure chest of learning about what I really wanted. Since I was no longer desperate for love, I could allow myself the luxury of saying "no" to people who simply weren't right for me.

After about a year of dating, but still finding no "Mr. Right," I decided I wasn't even interested in dating. I had better things to do with my life than examine and reject people, or be examined and rejected! I had to go within once more and find out why I hadn't attracted the right person for me.

The results of that contemplative time alone helped me realize how much love was already in my life, in the present moment. I realized I was happier alone than with someone who didn't fit the description of my ideal mate.

If I was going to have a mate, he would have to be very special and very spiritual. He would have to be sent by God, since I hadn't been able to find him myself. Well, he was sent by God and we are now happily married! Not only that, but he's more than I ever dreamed possible. Yes, we have our challenges, like any spiritually growing couple, and we meet them because we are committed to each other, and to ourselves. We know healing the relationship with ourselves heals all.

Debbie Johnson is the author of Think Yourself Loved, and the One Spirit Book Club selection, Think Yourself Thin (available in book, audio and video) and How to Make Your Dreams Come True. Order through your local bookstore, Phoenix and Dragon (on line) or call 1-800-600-3483. Website, www.thinkyourselfthin.com.