CyberWeave-Spirituality and the Internet.

Finding Solace for Grief on the Internet
Despite what some channeled messengers have told us, I have yet to personally meet anyone who has beat the odds and avoided physical death. I'm not talking about Near Death Experiencers (NDEs). NDEs have certainly beaten the odds to come back from the brink of the beyond and tell us about it. But, they fully expect and even desire to return to the other side one day.

Death, transition, passing over -- whatever you choose to call it, has or will touch us all in a very personal way. So far, it's an unavoidable fact of human existence. This was brought home to me recently when a close friend's family suffered the agonizing grief of not one, but two unexpected deaths in the space of one week. The first death made the evening news because it was caused by a roller-blader who plowed into a woman who had gone out to get a bite to eat with her sister and a friend. The family was still reeling from the first death when a niece who had flown in from Colombia suffered a brain aneurysm and died during a memorial prayer service.

As a practicing Spiritualist, I firmly believe in the reality of an afterlife. This belief does bring comfort. However, no matter how comfortable one is with the idea of death and afterlife, the impact of grief is a very real and debilitating thing. Working with grief was one of the topics covered during a Pastoral Skills course that I took in June at the National Spiritualist Association of Churches in Lily Dale, New York. I was already familiar with the fact that the stages of grief parallel those mapped out by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler Ross for terminally ill patients. However, there were a few eye openers including:

Studies show that the reaction to sudden death and death after a long illness are equal in their impact. The idea that someone gets prepared for another's death during an illness usually doesn't hold true. Also, the impact is just as great for someone who deals with death and dying on a professional basis. The worst period of grief often doesn't kick in until two to three months after the funeral. Those who care about the grieving person should be particularly aware of his or her needs at this point.

The Pastoral Skills course examined a number of resources that could be used during the grieving process. One area that wasn't covered, however, was the Internet. I suspected there would be a lot of resources on the World Wide Web and I wasn't disappointed. A search of the word "grief" on www.goggle.com garnered 600,000 results in the categories of health; mental health; grief, loss and bereavement; society; support groups; and personal loss.

The Internet has opened a whole new world of possibilities for those experiencing grief. That doesn't mean, of course, that grief becomes an easy or speedy process. But the resources on the Internet can ease the sense of isolation that so often accompanies the grieving process. Grief web sites range from those like www.hospicenet.org and http://griefnet.org, which deal with general grief issues to sites like MenWeb (http://www.vix.com/menmag/mengrief.htm) that deals with male concerns, Teen Age Grief (http://www.smartlink.net/~tag/) with a focus on youth and www.compassionatefriends.org, which offers grief support after the death of a child.

If you've ever lost a beloved pet, you know that the grief process is highly traumatic and that it is often made worse by many in society who expect you to snap out of it and get over Rover?s or Fluffy's demise: "They weren't human, after all.? ?You can go out and get another pet." Grieving pet owners can find solace and support at sites like the Lightning Strike Pet-Loss Support Page (www.lightninestrike.com).

Here are some thumbnail reviews of a fraction of the valuable web sites that deal with grief:

Grief in General
Bereavement.org (http://bereavement.org): This site calls itself ?The Layman's Guide to Death and Dying.? Sections include ?Grief Theories,? ?Gender Differences,? ?AIDS? and ?Suicide.?

The Centre for Grief Education (http://www.grief.org.au/internetl.htm): This Australian site provides an index and links to grief and loss sites throughout the world.

Compassion in Action (http://www.twilightbrigade.org): This site is designed to help those who are terminally ill and their families, friends and caregivers. The motto of Compassion in Action (CIA) is "... because no one need die alone." CIA chapters throughout the U.S. train volunteers who work with the terminally ill through hospices and hospitals. The "Resources" section of the CIA site includes a subsection called "Questions About Death." For those who love one who is dying, there is information about issues like "I don't know how to act around him" and "Should I talk to him about the fact that he's dying?" For the dying, issues addressed include "I just found out that my disease is terminal. What do I do?" and "I am afraid that I will die in pain. What can be done?" The site also includes lists of local hospices by city or town and information about CIA training programs nationwide.

Family Caregiver Alliance (http://www.caregiver.org/factsheets/grief.html): This site features a section with fact sheets about grief and loss. Subtitles include "Anticipatory Grief," Sudden Loss" and "How Long Does Grieving Last?"

GriefAid (http://griefaid.com): This site was developed by a mother in honor of her son, Anthony Brooks Moretine, who was killed in an automobile accident in 1998. It is described as an oasis for anyone in a grief or an anticipatory grief situation. The site features sections like the "GriefAid Library" and "Poetry Zone" where the bereaved can publish memorial tributes to their loved ones.

Grief, Bereavement & Trauma Resources
(http://www.therapeuticresources.com/grief.html): Publications listed at this site include A Broken Heart Still Beats After Your Child Dies by Anne McCracken and Mary Semel and Children and Grief: When a Parent Dies by J. William Worden. There is also a "Bereavement Newsletter" that you can subscribe to.

Grief Journey (http://www.grieftalk.com): This site is devoted to bringing help, hope and healing after significant loss. Sections include "Here's Help" and "Among Friends."

GriefNet (http://griefnet.org): This is an Internet community of persons dealing with grief and major loss. There are 37 e-mail support groups and an auxiliary site called KIDSAID for grieving children. GriefNet also includes a section where tributes can be published in honor of departed loved ones. Here, for example, is the tribute to Brandon Hrabosky by his mother and father: "You came into our lives & changed them forever! You were brought into this world because of the love we have for you. God has different plans for us now, but we will be together again. Know that we will miss you & love you every day of our lives. We will always remember our little boy Brandon. Watch over Mommy & Daddy, our little Angel."

GROWW-Grief Recovery Online (http://www.groww.com): Among other things, GROWW invites you to celebrate the life of your loved one(s) by having a tree planted in their honor.

Hospice Net (http://www.hospicenet.org): The grief guide at Hospice Net is comprehensive and includes sections like "The Feelings and Symptoms of Grief" and "Reach out to the Grieving Person."

The Shiva Foundation (http://goodgrief.org): The Shiva Foundation's goodgrief.org site features a lot of grief information including frequently asked questions and links to other grief sites.

SpiritWeb: Death, Grief and Separation (http://www.spiritweb.org/Spirit/death-grief-separation-king.html): This section of the SpiritWeb site features an article entitled "Death, Grief and Separation" by Jani King who channels the entity P'taah.

Special Interest Sites
BabySteps (http://www.babysteps.com): BabySteps is named after the baby steps that form the long and difficult road to recovery from the loss of a child. Sections include the "Bereavement Sharing Rooms," the "Remembrance Rooms" and the "Bereavement Resource Rooms."

Children and Grief (http://users.erols.com/lgold): This site was developed by author Linda Goldman. One of the sections focuses on "complicated grief," which Goldman describes as "frozen blocks of time" that stop normal grief and deny the child the ability to grieve.

The Compassionate Friends (http://compassionatefriends.org): The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families in the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child. Sections include "National Magazine," "Grief in the News" and the "Resource Center." Links to local chapters of the organization are provided.

Men in Grief (http://www.insidetheweb.com/mbs.cgi/mb86085): This site for grieving men is also called the "Strong Angels Message Board."

Menstuff (http://www.menstuff.org): This site features a book section on "Feelings-Grief." The book list includes titles like Our Mothers' Spirits: on the death of mothers and the grief of men, edited by Bob Blauner and Journey Through Grief by Alla Renee Bozarth.

MenWeb (http://www.vix.com/menmag/mengrief.htm): The "Men and Grief" section of MenWeb addresses questions like "Do men grieve differently from women?" and "How do men handle grief?"

Teen Age Grief (http://www.smartlink.net/~tag): TAG is a non-profit organization that provides grief support to teens in a safe and non-judgmental way.

Widow/er's Guide to Grief (http://www.nyx.net/~kbilton/grief.html): This site was developed by James Surkamp and features a "Healing Essay" and information on how to run a support group.

Pet-Related Grief
Lightning Strike Pet-Loss Support Page (http://www.lightning-strike.com/frame_pet-loss.htm): This site offers a "cybershoulder" for grieving pet owners. It features a newsgroup exclusively for grieving pet owners and an area where you can design and send pet-loss sympathy cards via e-mail.

Pet Loss & Grieving Resource Pages (http://www.cowpoke.com/Pages/Pethome.htm): These 25 interlinked pages have been assembled to help people deal with, and prevent the loss of beloved animal friends.

The Pet Loss Grief Support Website (http://www.petloss.com): this site provides personal support, thoughtful advice and tribute pages for grieving pet owners.

PetEducation.com (http://www.peteducation.com/petloss_hotlines.htm): The PetEducation Web site includes a section that lists pet loss support hotlines and information on grief counseling.

Next month: An overview of After-Life sites. Do you have a favorite spiritual or personal growth Web site that you'd like me to review? Please drop me an e-mail at Monty764@aol.com.


		Finding Solace for Grief on the Internet Despite what some channeled messengers have told us, I have yet to personally meet anyone who has beat the odds and avoided physical death. I'm not talking about Near Death Experiencers (NDEs). NDEs have certainly beaten the odds to come back from the brink of the beyond and tell us about it. But, they fully expect and even desire to return to the other side one day. Death, transition, passing over -- whatever you choose to call it, has or will touch us all in a very personal way. So far, it's an unavoidable fact of human existence. This was brought home to me recently when a close friend's family suffered the agonizing grief of not one, but two unexpected deaths in the space of one week. The first death made the evening news because it was caused by a roller-blader who plowed into a woman who had gone out to get a bite to eat with her sister and a friend. The family was still reeling from the first death when a niece who had flown in from Colombia suffered a brain aneurysm and died during a memorial prayer service. As a practicing Spiritualist, I firmly believe in the reality of an afterlife. This belief does bring comfort. However, no matter how comfortable one is with the idea of death and afterlife, the impact of grief is a very real and debilitating thing. Working with grief was one of the topics covered during a Pastoral Skills course that I took in June at the National Spiritualist Association of Churches in Lily Dale, New York. I was already familiar with the fact that the stages of grief parallel those mapped out by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler Ross for terminally ill patients. However, there were a few eye openers including: Studies show that the reaction to sudden death and death after a long illness are equal in their impact. The idea that someone gets prepared for another's death during an illness usually doesn't hold true. Also, the impact is just as great for someone who deals with death and dying on a professional basis. The worst period of grief often doesn't kick in until two to three months after the funeral. Those who care about the grieving person should be particularly aware of his or her needs at this point. The Pastoral Skills course examined a number of resources that could be used during the grieving process. One area that wasn't covered, however, was the Internet. I suspected there would be a lot of resources on the World Wide Web and I wasn't disappointed. A search of the word "grief" on www.goggle.com garnered 600,000 results in the categories of health; mental health; grief, loss and bereavement; society; support groups; and personal loss. The Internet has opened a whole new world of possibilities for those experiencing grief. That doesn't mean, of course, that grief becomes an easy or speedy process. But the resources on the Internet can ease the sense of isolation that so often accompanies the grieving process. Grief web sites range from those like www.hospicenet.org and http://griefnet.org, which deal with general grief issues to sites like MenWeb (http://www.vix.com/menmag/mengrief.htm) that deals with male concerns, Teen Age Grief (http://www.smartlink.net/~tag/) with a focus on youth and www.compassionatefriends.org, which offers grief support after the death of a child. If you've ever lost a beloved pet, you know that the grief process is highly traumatic and that it is often made worse by many in society who expect you to snap out of it and get over Rover?s or Fluffy's demise: "They weren't human, after all.? ?You can go out and get another pet." Grieving pet owners can find solace and support at sites like the Lightning Strike Pet-Loss Support Page (www.lightninestrike.com). Here are some thumbnail reviews of a fraction of the valuable web sites that deal with grief: Grief in General Bereavement.org (http://bereavement.org): This site calls itself ?The Layman's Guide to Death and Dying.? Sections include ?Grief Theories,? ?Gender Differences,? ?AIDS? and ?Suicide.? The Centre for Grief Education (http://www.grief.org.au/internetl.htm): This Australian site provides an index and links to grief and loss sites throughout the world. Compassion in Action (http://www.twilightbrigade.org): This site is designed to help those who are terminally ill and their families, friends and caregivers. The motto of Compassion in Action (CIA) is "... because no one need die alone." CIA chapters throughout the U.S. train volunteers who work with the terminally ill through hospices and hospitals. The "Resources" section of the CIA site includes a subsection called "Questions About Death." For those who love one who is dying, there is information about issues like "I don't know how to act around him" and "Should I talk to him about the fact that he's dying?" For the dying, issues addressed include "I just found out that my disease is terminal. What do I do?" and "I am afraid that I will die in pain. What can be done?" The site also includes lists of local hospices by city or town and information about CIA training programs nationwide. Family Caregiver Alliance (http://www.caregiver.org/factsheets/grief.html): This site features a section with fact sheets about grief and loss. Subtitles include "Anticipatory Grief," Sudden Loss" and "How Long Does Grieving Last?" GriefAid (http://griefaid.com): This site was developed by a mother in honor of her son, Anthony Brooks Moretine, who was killed in an automobile accident in 1998. It is described as an oasis for anyone in a grief or an anticipatory grief situation. The site features sections like the "GriefAid Library" and "Poetry Zone" where the bereaved can publish memorial tributes to their loved ones. Grief, Bereavement & Trauma Resources (http://www.therapeuticresources.com/grief.html): Publications listed at this site include A Broken Heart Still Beats After Your Child Dies by Anne McCracken and Mary Semel and Children and Grief: When a Parent Dies by J. William Worden. There is also a "Bereavement Newsletter" that you can subscribe to. Grief Journey (http://www.grieftalk.com): This site is devoted to bringing help, hope and healing after significant loss. Sections include "Here's Help" and "Among Friends." GriefNet (http://griefnet.org): This is an Internet community of persons dealing with grief and major loss. There are 37 e-mail support groups and an auxiliary site called KIDSAID for grieving children. GriefNet also includes a section where tributes can be published in honor of departed loved ones. Here, for example, is the tribute to Brandon Hrabosky by his mother and father: "You came into our lives & changed them forever! You were brought into this world because of the love we have for you. God has different plans for us now, but we will be together again. Know that we will miss you & love you every day of our lives. We will always remember our little boy Brandon. Watch over Mommy & Daddy, our little Angel." GROWW-Grief Recovery Online (http://www.groww.com): Among other things, GROWW invites you to celebrate the life of your loved one(s) by having a tree planted in their honor. Hospice Net (http://www.hospicenet.org): The grief guide at Hospice Net is comprehensive and includes sections like "The Feelings and Symptoms of Grief" and "Reach out to the Grieving Person." The Shiva Foundation (http://goodgrief.org): The Shiva Foundation's goodgrief.org site features a lot of grief information including frequently asked questions and links to other grief sites. SpiritWeb: Death, Grief and Separation (http://www.spiritweb.org/Spirit/death-grief-separation-king.html): This section of the SpiritWeb site features an article entitled "Death, Grief and Separation" by Jani King who channels the entity P'taah. Special Interest Sites BabySteps (http://www.babysteps.com): BabySteps is named after the baby steps that form the long and difficult road to recovery from the loss of a child. Sections include the "Bereavement Sharing Rooms," the "Remembrance Rooms" and the "Bereavement Resource Rooms." Children and Grief (http://users.erols.com/lgold): This site was developed by author Linda Goldman. One of the sections focuses on "complicated grief," which Goldman describes as "frozen blocks of time" that stop normal grief and deny the child the ability to grieve. The Compassionate Friends (http://compassionatefriends.org): The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families in the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child. Sections include "National Magazine," "Grief in the News" and the "Resource Center." Links to local chapters of the organization are provided. Men in Grief (http://www.insidetheweb.com/mbs.cgi/mb86085): This site for grieving men is also called the "Strong Angels Message Board." Menstuff (http://www.menstuff.org): This site features a book section on "Feelings-Grief." The book list includes titles like Our Mothers' Spirits: on the death of mothers and the grief of men, edited by Bob Blauner and Journey Through Grief by Alla Renee Bozarth. MenWeb (http://www.vix.com/menmag/mengrief.htm): The "Men and Grief" section of MenWeb addresses questions like "Do men grieve differently from women?" and "How do men handle grief?" Teen Age Grief (http://www.smartlink.net/~tag): TAG is a non-profit organization that provides grief support to teens in a safe and non-judgmental way. Widow/er's Guide to Grief (http://www.nyx.net/~kbilton/grief.html): This site was developed by James Surkamp and features a "Healing Essay" and information on how to run a support group. Pet-Related Grief Lightning Strike Pet-Loss Support Page (http://www.lightning-strike.com/frame_pet-loss.htm): This site offers a "cybershoulder" for grieving pet owners. It features a newsgroup exclusively for grieving pet owners and an area where you can design and send pet-loss sympathy cards via e-mail. Pet Loss & Grieving Resource Pages (http://www.cowpoke.com/Pages/Pethome.htm): These 25 interlinked pages have been assembled to help people deal with, and prevent the loss of beloved animal friends. The Pet Loss Grief Support Website (http://www.petloss.com): this site provides personal support, thoughtful advice and tribute pages for grieving pet owners. PetEducation.com (http://www.peteducation.com/petloss_hotlines.htm): The PetEducation Web site includes a section that lists pet loss support hotlines and information on grief counseling. Next month: An overview of After-Life sites. Do you have a favorite spiritual or personal growth Web site that you'd like me to review? Please drop me an e-mail at Monty764@aol.com. Mary Montgomery-Clifford is a certified web author and developer. Her company, Montgomery Media Enterprises ("Freelancing with Finesse!"), specializes in public relations, events, promotions, writing project and web authoring, development and publicity. Contact her via e-mail at Monty764@aol.com, by phone at 773-235-8821 or at her web site at www.montymedia.com.



		by Mary Montgomery-Clifford