The Shared Heart.

	New Dimensions Of Relationship How two people are brought together has always remained a spiritual mystery. The following stories will not solve the mystery, but they will give you a feeling for the unseen forces at play behind all relationships. We believe there is a strong, mostly unseen, energy of love guiding us every step of our lives. This divine guidance brings us to the right relationship at the right time. The sometimes amazing stories in this first section show the magnitude and intelligence of this guiding power. There is a destiny to two people joining into a committed relationship. What is ordinarily called "chemistry" between two people is really destiny at work. Two souls are drawn together to learn from each other. What seems like a crazy coincidence to some, is to us the loving hand of guidance. The Mating Call It was November, 1992, and Joshua and I were both students at beautiful Vassar College on the Hudson River in New York State. One day, at three in the morning, I felt stuck writing a paper so I looked outside at the misty rain. I like that kind of weather, so on impulse, I grabbed my coat and went out, hoping to work through my writing block. Walking in the campus arboretum, I heard a strange sound that could've been a bird, a person, or maybe even a whistle. I stopped and waited, then heard it again. Still not knowing what the sound was, I did something I ordinarily never would have done. I decided to mimic it. As soon as I did, my call was returned from the mysterious source. This went on for a few minutes while I tried to locate the origin of the sound. At the same time, I felt compelled to throw my arms into the air and spin around in a sort of dance, stopping each time I made the sound to listen for a response, then spinning again in the direction of the sound. The last time I made the sound and stopped, my back was facing a street lamp. I heard the sound behind me, turned around and there was a young man coming into the light of the street lamp, also spinning like I was. I stood there transfixed by the image of someone else doing just what I was doing. As we came into closer proximity, the air seemed alive with magic. We grew silent but kept spinning closer and closer together under the street lamp. We did this for a few minutes, circling around each other while we gazed into one another's eyes. In that moment, I felt that this person I was meeting was going to change my life in some way. The young man, Joshua, also a student at Vassar, later told me he felt compelled to go out in the misty rain, which he too enjoyed. He described himself as swirling through the mist while making vocal sounds. He too was astounded to come into the lighted area and see me spinning and calling like him. He was struck by how extraordinary the moment was. He also told me later he felt almost hypnotized by my "gorgeous green eyes." Coming still closer together, smiling at one another, feeling in a fairy-tale dream-like state, he leaned forward and we kissed. Then we sat on a nearby bench and were soon giggling and talking about what had just happened. It grew colder and the mist turned into a heavier rain, so I invited Joshua to my house a block from campus for some hot chocolate. We got to my house at around four in the morning and talked non-stop until four the next afternoon. ***** What's in a Name? For as long as I can remember, I have seemed to know the name of the woman with whom I would spend my life. It was supposed to be Amanda. I really don't know how I knew this; I don't consider myself psychic. I do vaguely remember a few dreams in my adolescence including that name, and then one more in my mid twenties. But more than the dreams, I have always seemed to possess a knowing that her name would be Amanda. On my thirtieth birthday, I looked back at my life with sadness. I had met several Amandas, but none were right for me. I tried very hard to be with one of these women, to make her somehow fit as a lover, but it didn't work. It ended painfully. I had other relationships with women of different names. These, too, were painful as I tried to fight against my inner knowing, or even to pretend that I didn't have this bit of information locked in my heart. I also felt anger. It felt like a handicap to have such a precise qualification for my life partner. I felt limited in my relationships. My friends could enjoy the simple pleasure of dating with an open mind and heart. I felt biased, at times even cursed. For example, there was a beautiful young woman, Heather, who lived in the apartment next door. I felt attracted to her. I felt comfortable with her. When she greeted me with that warm smile of hers, I felt her genuine caring. If her name was Amanda, I would have leapt for joy. But I had to hide my feelings for fear of breaking her heart--and mine. One Saturday morning, I decided to take a walk. My apartment building bordered a large park with tree-lined walkways. As I stepped out into the hall, I noticed Heather was also leaving her apartment. We said hello—why did she have to disarm me so completely with her smile? Walking together toward the stairs, I told her I was going for a walk in the park. She said, "I was heading that way too. Would you mind if I came along?" "No, I'd like that," I quickly replied. Then came that old familiar conflict. Enthusiasm to be with someone I really liked, and fear of getting involved with someone I would end up leaving. For the walk, however, I managed to put aside my worries. Being in Heather's presence was so comfortable, so familiar. We had a great time, with much laughter as well as some serious conversation about our lives. Later, alone in my apartment, I started to panic. One walk in a park and I was falling in love. How could this be? I again felt angry at my "curse," and resolved that I needed to follow my own path, to choose the person with whom I would spend time. I refused to be controlled by a name anymore. I would spend as much time as I wanted with Heather. And I certainly wanted to spend more time with her. I knocked on Heather's door later that afternoon. It was almost like she expected me, and warmly invited me in. She showed me her apartment. We talked for hours; it was amazing how much we had in common. We talked about our spirituality. Although we came from seemingly diverse backgrounds, we shared the same basic beliefs about a Higher Power that was as much a part of us as it was a part of everything in the universe. It was obvious that we liked each other wholeheartedly. I told her how comfortable I felt in her presence. Her smile told me she felt the same. I knew I needed to tell her about "the Amanda thing" but, before I could begin, she started talking about her childhood. "Tyler," she began, "I didn't have an easy childhood. I can't remember any time my parents sincerely listened to me. You're such a good listener. I feel important in your presence." "That's easy," I interrupted, "I can't remember ever enjoying listening to someone else this much." Heather smiled, thanking me, then continued in more serious tones, "I felt pressured by my parents to live my life according to their beliefs, to follow in their footsteps. When I finished high school, I couldn't take it anymore. I chose a college as far away from home as possible. In my attempt to find myself and my own values, I did some wild living with partying, drugs and sex. I even changed my name..." A bolt of electricity shot through me. "Heather," I interrupted again, almost afraid to ask, "what was your original name?" She looked sad, then continued, "I hated my name. It has always been a reminder of an oppressed, controlled child I've been trying to run away from. But lately I've been feeling differently about that name. I'm considering going back to it, sort of reclaiming my lost childhood. What do you think of me going back to my childhood name, Amanda?" "Yes!" I almost shouted. "I love the name Amanda!" I could scarcely contain my excitement. My story tumbled out of my mouth. Her face went from puzzled, to amazed, then to excited. With tears in my eyes, I reached out and hugged Heather. No--Amanda That was nine years ago. Amanda now loves her name. Our son and daughter like to call her Amanda as much as they call her Mom. *** Beautiful Eyes It was 1976. At twenty-three years old and very shy, I was lonely and had a difficult time talking with women. A friend of mine had recently joined the Peace Corps and was very excited about it. I think it was his excitement that spurred me on to do the same. Within months, I found myself in rural Africa, thrown together with a dozen or so Peace Corps workers. The night we arrived, I met and immediately felt attracted to one of my co-workers, a young woman with the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I thought to myself, "I've got to get to know this woman." Then anxiety set in. How would I approach her? What could I possibly say that wouldn't sound dumb? Usually, at this point, I would give up and make no effort. But something felt different now. My inner urge to meet this woman with the gorgeous eyes was simply too strong to ignore. I walked over to her. My heart was racing wildly. She smiled and said hello. I nervously smiled and said, "Hi, where are you from?," and immediately thought, what a stupid thing to say! She answered simply, "Hood River, Oregon." My mouth dropped open with surprise. "I am too!" I could scarcely contain myself. What were the odds of two people thrown together in a remote part of Africa coming from the same small town in the Northwestern United States? Now it was her turn to be amazed. She lit up like a candle. We talked about all our favorite places in Hood River. Unbelievably, I was a senior while she was a freshman at the same high school, yet we had never seen one another. I felt more comfortable talking with Lynnette than I had ever felt with a woman. Soon we were laughing together as if we were old friends. Then, as if it weren't enough of a miracle to be from the same small town, I said something totally unlike me. There was a pause in our conversation and I found myself saying, "Lynnette, don't take this in the wrong way, but I need to say you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. I was immediately embarrassed at having said something so intimate. It could have sounded like the ultimate come-on. Lynnette smiled shyly and said, "I can't believe I never saw you in high school. I feel the same way about your eyes." We had been together about ten minutes and yet I knew this was the woman I had been waiting for all my life. Now, twenty-two years later, we still feel the same way about one another's eyes. *** Treat yourself to the Vissell's newest book, Meant To Be: Miraculous True Stories to Inspire a Lifetime of Love, containing 38 of the most amazing and inspiring love stories you will ever read. Look for it at your favorite bookstore. Spend SEVEN DAYS IN PARADISE this winter with Barry and Joyce, along with talented musician, Charley Thweatt, for a time of celebration, healing, and spiritual renewal for individuals and couples on the Big Island of Hawaii. This week can transform your whole life. February 4-11, 2001-Hawaii Living From the Heart Retreat. Call Jim Lipson at 520-721-1710 (Tucson, AZ) for more info. Joyce and Barry Vissell, a nurse and medical doctor couple since 1964, are also the authors of The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, and The Heart's Wisdom*. They are the founders and directors of the Shared Heart Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to the connection between relationship and the spiritual path. Call TOLL-FREE 1-800-766-0629 (locally 831-684-2299) or write to the Shared Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140, Aptos, CA 95001, for free newsletter from Barry and Joyce, further information on their books, tapes and training programs, or their schedule of talks and workshops. Or check out their web site:* www.sharedheart.org .