An excerpt from

Removing The Masks That Bind Us
by John Randolph Price

The Meddler

It's not too late to use these exercises to escape manipulation.

Meddler: "one who interferes without being asked . . . to tamper deviously in the affairs of others . . . a busybody" (Webster's). We have all known Meddlers, and this particular mask seems to have some of the elements of three other masks--the Manipulator, the Tyrant, and the Opinionated, with a touch of the Fanatic added for good measure. These men and women just won't mind their own business. They pry with a scheme, display a know-it-all attitude, and push with a zeal that is oppressive to say the least. And the excuse is usually, "I just want to help."

Psychologically, the Meddler is one who seeks to live through others—the former also-ran beauty queen who insists that her daughter become Miss America, the college football player who didn't fulfill his dreams envisions his son being drafted by the NFL, the mother and father who try to realize their hopes, wishes, and dreams through their offspring. They view the desires and ideals of their children as completely different from those of the family as a whole, and strive to cast lives in the mold of the parental image with an insistence on conformity. If we trace this behavior and attitude back to the meddler's childhood, we see indifference on the part of the parents, disparaging remarks, a lack of warmth, unkept promises, and little respect for the child's emotional needs--all of this while practicing what may be called "indirect domination." To compensate, the individual will grow up with the attitude, perhaps unconscious, to right the injustice he or she may have felt--and at any cost.

Fay was a classic Meddler, and her son, Bob, remembers her well. "My father died when I was six, and from then on, everything in my life had to be totally organized. Free time to just play with my friends was a no-no. I had to be exposed to the finer things of life, like music and ballroom dancing. I wanted to play football, but Mother convinced the coach that I was too small and would get hurt. The girls I dated had to be approved by her, otherwise I couldn't use the family car, and when I married Sally against Mother's will (Sally was a Catholic), I was cut off completely--I didn't realize to what extent until Mother died."

The Meddler seems to have an indiscriminate need to take advantage of others and get the better of them--to make them captives for exploitation, leading to distorted personalities. A woman I'll call Ruth refused to let her children have friends in their home for fear that they would "contaminate" her beloved ones. This, of course, ruled out any extracurricular activities at school, and her kids became maladjusted loners.

Jan and I also remember a friend who took complete control of his son's life and began training him to be a football hero someday--and the son hated every minute of it. The man sold insurance and was able to maintain flexible hours, which meant that every day after school and on the weekends, they would practice, practice, practice. Harsh words were the norm when the child dropped a pass. By the time the youngster reached high school, he was so bent out of shape mentally that his grades suffered and he had few friends. Fortunately, he finally rebelled and told his father that sports were not for him, that he wanted to play in the band. Music offered him the recovery he needed, but the father "washed his hands" of the son and soon asked the wife for a divorce. A Meddler's world had fallen apart.

Not all Meddlers are parents, though. A woman at a workshop said that when she was dating her boyfriend, she began to notice strange things. He started getting extremely possessive, stopping by her workplace at the oddest times "to check up on her," and once she caught him following her from the office to the grocery store after work. When they did get together, she was thoroughly questioned about anyone she had talked to during the day. He also called her at work incessantly with the idea of getting her fired for bringing her personal life to the office, and she found out later that he was trying to arrange a job for her at his own place of employment.

With the Meddler personality, the planetary energies can also emphasize smothering/mothering tendencies in both men and women. The father will find it difficult to grant his children independence; the mother will want to shield the offspring from the outer world. There is a dominant desire for power over others, and as strange as this may seem, the power is often used to gain fame for the Meddler. They wish to mold others, live through the person they have "created"--yet with an element of distrust always present. They are critical, analytical, selfish, intolerant of others' views, and usually food fanatics. They show righteous indignation and little patience, and are addicted to malicious talk.

As the inner archetypes are repressed, the individual's attitude and behavior worsens. The Meddler will not be concerned about the rights of others, and will be unable to adopt new ideas, refusing to listen to anyone else's advice. Meddlers are continually suspicious of the motives of others, are constantly frustrated, and possess a morbid curiosity.

The mythological picture is either a man or woman standing in front of the opposite sex and holding out a bouquet of flowers. The other hand, behind the back, is holding a sword. The key words are: "Trust me. I only want what's best for you." Look at the symbols and describe the picture in your journal.

Those who interfere in the lives of others suffer from self-centeredness, self-importance, selfish personal ambition, and devious manipulation. They are the active schemers in the world today, unable to work with faith and love. The forces of such a personality are seated in the sacral center.

In Anatomy of the Spirit, Caroline Myss writes: "This chakra resonates to our need for relationships with other people and our need to control to some extent the dynamics of our physical environment. All attachments by which we maintain control over our external lives, such as authority, other people, or money, are linked through this chakra to our energy field and physical body."

Myss also says that one of the primary fears associated with this chakra is the fear of losing control. If we have no control over others, it is difficult to meddle in their lives. Later, as we remove this mask, we'll work with the sacral chakra. But first, I feel it is important for you to learn how to escape from the Meddler's energy. Your very life may depend on it.

If you recognize a Meddler in your space and feel that you are succumbing to his or her machinations, ask yourself if you are a Victim, a Yielder, or both. Then go back and read the "Removing the Mask" sections in both chapters. Don't fall for the line "I just want to help" or "I only want what's best for you." Do what is necessary right now to get out from under this potentially dangerous energy. It may seem harmless and benign at first, but it can wreak havoc in your life if you let yourself be monopolized by such a person.

For example, Doris got a general power of attorney, cleaned out her mother's bank account, and forced her into a nursing home. And Abby kept looking for the "good" in Paul, even when he isolated her from family and friends, forged her name on several checks, and eventually resorted to physically abusing her. She was afraid she would lose him if she accused him or made him angry. Don't take chances. No one is more important than you, so take control of your life now!

Bring the image into your mind of someone you consider to be meddling in your life. Remember that this mask may not be as apparent as the others, so if you're not sure, ask yourself these questions: From whom am I always seeking approval? With whom do I assume a role, feeling that I cannot really be myself? Who is imposing their rules on me? With whom do I feel oppressive energy? Who makes me feel emotionally insecure and mentally weak? Who am I afraid of? Who makes me feel that I will never be good enough? Who is the most critical person in my life? Who focuses on my weaknesses rather than my strengths? With whom do I hide my true feelings?

Now see a psychic cord between your energy field and that of this person. It is an emotional and mental attachment that is draining away your freedom; and screening out your creative success, prosperity, well-being, and happiness. Meddlers can mess with your mind and emotions and also affect your physical-material world. So with purpose of mind, cut that cord! Use a sharp knife and see it slicing through the cord--then pull out the roots from the place where you feel the cord was attached to you physically. Energy follows thought, so this is more than just an imaginary exercise. It works!

If you feel almost smothered with a Meddler's energy, think of it as an octopus with its eight arms covered with suckers all around you and literally squeezing you. Take the knife again, and in your imagination, begin to free yourself by cutting off the arms one by one. Then sever the head, and watch as the creature slowly dissolves before your eyes. You may also find a picture of the one you feel is an oppressive Meddler, plan a special releasing ceremony, and burn the picture. This may seem extreme, but we have found that the Meddler can be one of the most treacherous masks because it is so covert, and the motives of the wearer so veiled. The Manipulator, Tyrant, Opinionated, and Fanatic masks are much easier to spot, but the Meddler works in the shadows and is slippery, subtle, and sneaky. Keep in mind that the releasing exercises discussed here will not harm the Meddler in any way. He or she will, unconsciously, feel a protective shield around you, or will no longer be interested in controlling you or interfering in your life. Another target will be selected.

Now think on these thoughts:

I am free of domination from others.
Someone else's thoughts and opinions cannot take away my power.
I can be myself without concern for what anyone thinks.
I approve, appreciate, and love myself.
I no longer seek anyone else's approval.
I am my own person.
I recognize my true worth.
I am strong mentally and secure emotionally.

And continue with . . .