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Dear Louise, I'm a 25-year-old gay man who's been involved in some awful romantic relationships. I long for and expect intimacy, honesty, and monogamy from my boyfriends, but every single one has ended up lying to me and cheating on me. The only options I seem to have to meet other men are gay establishments--yet all I find there are individuals who are focused on their sexual orientation and sex at the expense of all else. It's taken me years to love myself and my sexuality (due to the damage caused by my Catholic upbringing), yet all I've found from the so-called gay community is one of using and abusing. All I want is a loyal, loving boyfriend who gives as much as he takes. I'm loving, intelligent, handsome, witty, and caring--how come I'm not attracting life's winners? -- J.H., New York City Dear J.H., It's easy to blame the gay community for your poor relationships. However, we're all under the law of our own consciousness, and we alone create our experiences. Yes, there's much of what you talk about in the gay world, and there's also a multitude of long-lasting, stable relationships, too. Early rejection often helps us feel unwanted and unlovable, so we need to be extra loving to ourselves. I would spend time in front of a mirror saying: I LOVE YOU, I REALLY LOVE YOU. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, AND I AM CREATING A WONDERFUL NEW LIFE FOR BOTH OF US. THE PERFECT ONE IS COMING, AND I AM SO HAPPY FOR US Dear Louise, As I approach my 40th birthday, I find myself growing increasingly isolated. I'm single, and most of my friends are married. I haven't dated in years and have no romantic prospects on the horizon. I broke free of the habit of dating very negative, abusive men about ten years ago. Happily, I don't seem to attract destructive men anymore. However, I don't seem to attract anyone anymore. Should I accept this period as one of solitude and growth, or am I doing something to keep people at bay? -- R.L., Chicago Dear R.L., I don't think your age has anything to do with your isolation. By pulling away from abusive men, you've put a wall around yourself that keeps everybody out. It's time to take the wall down and know that you're safe to allow a healthy romance to come into your life. Visualize removing this wall brick by brick. As you do this, the bricks will just dissolve and disappear. Now see a new environment filled with joyous, happy people all welcoming you Know that a new day has arrived. Affirm: I AM LOVABLE, AND EVERYBODY LOVES ME. MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH ROMANCE AND JOY. Dear Louise, When I was 17, I got pregnant by a man I'd lived with for one year. He told me to have an abortion, and I agreed. I ended up having three abortions by the time I was 19. After that, my mother and older sister took me to a doctor and made me get my tubes tied. I was afraid to tell the doctor that I didn't want to have the procedure done. Now, at 43 years old, I want to have children. There's a slight chance I can do this with an expensive medical procedure, but my mother and sister are very against it. Their behavior has gotten worse over the years (condemning and criticizing me), so I now have very little contact with them. It's better to be alone than to be constantly beaten down. (I only have two true friends.) I pray every day that I'll be able to forgive myself and love myself so I can love others as well. What can I do now to change my relationships with my family? -- S.D., Georgia Dear S.D., If you have two true friends, that's wonderful and you're blessed. Many people don't have any friends. Remember, you've always done the best you could do at any time. Instead of praying every day that you'll be able to forgive yourself, just do it--today, this very minute! You're wonderful just as you are. You can't change others; you can only change yourself. The quickest way to do this is to think thoughts that make you feel good--those that express gratitude for every area of your life. The Universe loves gratitude and will give you many more things and experiences for you to be grateful for. Affirm: I LOVE LIFE, AND I LOVE ME. I LOVE MY BODY, AND I LOVE WHO I AM. I LET THE PAST GO, AND I FORGIVE EVERYONE. I AM IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE. I THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS. I FEEL GOOD, AND I FEEL HAPPY. ALL IS WELL IN MY WORLD! Now you can learn tips on how to heal every aspect of your life--directly from Louise--by subscribing to the new Louise Hay Newsletter! Call for a Free Premier Issue today: (800) 654-5126, or fax (800) 650-5115. Don't forget to ask for a free catalog of books, audios, videos, and other products by Louise Hay and other Hay House authors! If you would like Louise to answer your letter in this publication, please send it to: Dear Louise Column, c/o Hay House, Inc., P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100, or e-mail your letter to: admin@hayhouse.com (letters used in this column may be edited for length and clarity). Please visit the Hay House Website at: www.hayhouse.com. |
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