The anniversary of 9/11 is just around the corner. It reminds us of so many things, one of them being how proud we are of our compassion when faced with tragedy. We Americans go to superhuman lengths when we see people in need. Remember the volunteers who drove across the country to go and help out? How restaurants were closed but took donations of food and created meals for the workers? Even children responded by collecting money in their home towns. We are a generous people, especially when the need of others is clear.

However, people experience their own personal 9/11s all the time. It has nothing to do with a date and sometimes lasts for years. How many people in your own circle of friends, family, and workmates are going through a divorce or custody battle? How many have parents who are daily losing their battle with awareness? How many have lost children or have been denied the blessing of having them? How many are learning to deal with life without their lifelong partners? We treat these 9/11ers with patience and understanding because we know them or know of them, while we expect those in the outside world to behave normally. When they don’t, we get impatient and feel it’s our right to express our frustration with them by a look or comment.

Have you ever experienced a life-changing event so extreme that it surprised you to see that birds were still singing? That kids were still riding bikes? That the world continued to spin? How did you behave? Were you confused and less than efficient? Was your driving a little distracted? Did your out-of-synchness inconvenience those around you?

It’s easy for us to open a door for the woman who clearly has lost her hair to cancer treatment. But what about those whose pain doesn’t show? Life is really hard sometimes and since we can’t always tell who is carrying a particularly heavy load, why not be kind to all those we encounter? How busy are we that we can’t let a car in front of us? When a new line opens at the checkout, why try to beat out people who clearly have been waiting longer? It takes no time to smile and make eye contact when passing someone on the street. We love the major heroic actions when newsworthy disasters hit, but everyday, little kind gestures make a huge difference in the lives of those around us. To those going through a particularly bad time, they can make all the difference.