This month I want to talk about drama. Not the kind that happens on the stage or in front of a camera. I’m talking about the drama that goes on in our lives that, if we aren’t careful, sucks us in, winds us up, and wears us out. The kind that sweeps through and divides a group or community.

I have to admit that in years past I was addicted to it. I think the buzz that accompanied it made me feel alive in my usually fairly routine life. It also gave me the perception that I could say and do things it’s ordinarily not OK to say and do. Where more clearly than in the midst of drama is there a villain and a victim? What an opportunity for righteous indignation! Everything is so black and white, so right and wrong.

I don’t remember when it started for me. In my neighborhood, there were seven girls all about the same age. Talk about drama. When I was pretty young, maybe five or six, we were all mad at my cousin who lived next door. I don’t remember why, but she must have done something really bad. We decided we’d show her and put some flying ants in an envelope and put them in her mailbox, anonymously of course. It came back to bite me though, because alliances had shifted by the time she found them, and I was there when she did. Who could have done such a thing? I could do indignation even while being the villain.

I went to an all girl high school. Oh, My God. Betrayal, cliques, boyfriend stealing, it was a hotbed of drama. In 7th grade, even though I’m sure I didn’t do anything wrong, a friend was mad and didn’t invite me to her birthday party. After lots of outrage, gossip and declarations of solidarity among our group, I decided to be the better person and send her a birthday card. No knife turning there.

As I got older, the issues became more serious, and the dramas that much more intense. They involved relationships, affairs, divorces, jobs. It was almost like a binge. I could lose days of productivity in the throws of a cigarette smoking, adrenaline pumping, phone calling frenzy. Being involved in the grade school community and Girl Scouts when our kids were young proved to be a never-ending beehive of backbiting, gossip, and exclusion.

I was involved in a whopper of a drama some years back. I won’t go into details here, but it was the beginning of my recovery. A few realizations dawned on me then. People living through drama are in pain. Adding my emotional energy not only caused more pain, it pulled in the emotional responses of others. You may know, but I did not at the time, that heaping negativity onto negativity doesn’t get you much more than a lot of negativity. I know that it harms the greater world, not just the people involved. Even though resolution sometimes comes out of drama, it’s an inefficient way to go about it. Settling down from a whipped up state often left me a little queasy.

I can’t say that I’m above it all now. I still get sucked in sometimes—like during the recent presidential campaign. The world caters to our drama-loving selves, but mostly I’ve lost the stomach for it. I don’t have the energy for it. I try now to only say things about people that I would say to them, and resist passing on juicy gossip. I also attempt to keep the long-range goal and the larger picture in sight. Drama usually doesn’t serve either one. As I go about my life, I can build or I can destroy. I can fan the flames or try to quench them.