One of our most basic needs as humans is to belong. Throughout history, one of the most severe forms of punishment was shunning, and in early times, a person’s very survival was in question when shunned. We belong to all kind of groups. We have families and good friends, people we talk to at work, political parties, church people, parents of our children’s friends, neighbors ... the list goes on. Belonging to a group enhances our sense of well being, it enables us to do more than we could do alone, and sometimes it gives us a louder voice than we’d have on our own.

     Generally, being part of a group is a good thing, but sometimes not. It seems the measure of so many things in our lives is: does it make us bigger or smaller? Does it enhance our growth or retard it?

     I don’t know why, but the specter of cliques has shadowed me in one way or another my whole life. I’ve been in them, but mostly out. I’ve seen cliques of all kinds, even one made up of kids whose mothers were cliquish.

     We all know the clique best in its school context. Classically it’s the popular kids, who hang out together, think alike, dress alike, and look down on everyone else. Boys bully others in the open, girls behind their backs. Appearing to have it all, they lack a strong sense of self. They need a group to define who they are. The cost of belonging is total allegiance, reinforced by fear of exclusion. Its primary feature is us/them thinking, largely unconscious, without awareness or empathy for the conditions of others. Because of this, clique members will do, in a group, things they as individuals would never do on their own. Given positions of power or influence, they will better their own situation at the expense of others.

     We all develop at different rates, but most of us form a strong enough sense of self as we end our teens to deal with life on our own. We see the value of all kinds of people and are not threatened by differences. We come to know that succeeding at the expense of others is not a good thing. We see this on an individual level, but also as a nation. In the past few decades we’ve matured as a society. We’ve seen a trend toward more tolerance and understanding, one that I, and probably you, expected would continue

     But something has gone very wrong in the past few years. We’ve become afraid and have fallen into us/them thinking. We’ve become a country of cliques. Good-natured rivalry between us has turned hostile. Red vs. Blue, one faith vs. another faith, old vs. young. It’s not unusual to hear groups define who is and who is not a Christian, who is and who is not an American, who has and who does not have values. We’ve allowed our liberties to be tampered with because we’re pretty sure it will only affect others. It started before 9/11, so it’s not just that; perhaps it’s just a cyclical thing. But it’s got to stop. Enough of us who call ourselves American have got to let go of our fear and reorder things in our own minds. A bunch of bickering, self-serving, judgmental cliques can accomplish no lasting good. Our greatness comes from recognizing the value of each of us, from honoring our differences, and from knowing that we cannot truly benefit at the expense of others.