Real Relationships: The Beauties and Imperatives of Long-Term Psychotherapy

By Maurie D. Pressman, M.D.

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Speaking of the beauties and the imperatives of long-term psychotherapy allows me to speak meaningfully of human relationships, deep human relationships. In this case, I am speaking of the Spirit in relationships, the capacity for relationships, the gift for growth in relationships—growth of self, other and society as well. This is urgent today in view of the fact that we live in a “fast food” culture, where speed and the worship of technology diminish both humanity and human interchange. We are in despair; we are in ill health; we are in spiritual crisis.

     I happen to be lucky—lucky to be a psychiatrist-psychotherapist who is no longer restricted by insurance companies. I have left them and now am free to enter into and maintain a long-term relationship with my patients. This leads me to give a case history which will cast light on the beauties, as well as the imperatives, of long-term psychotherapy. Please know that what I say is not limited to psychotherapy; but is offered as an index and standard for personal growth and for the growth of personal relationships. If one allows oneself to look deeply within, and then empathically within the other, there is created a special meeting place, one which is truly heartfelt. In that place you will experience a communication that is far beyond words, and you will be in a domain of highest truth. Also please know that in true relationships we honor the guru within, both within our self and in the other. Now Truth can be taken for granted. This, I believe, is a model for the creation of the higher self, the higher partnership, and the higher society. It is a solution for the ills of society.

A Case in Point

A young man suffered from very severe stuttering. As time unfolded in therapy, it became evident that when he was in a relaxed hypnotic state, he did not stutter! His stuttering was a psychological something. Very slowly, he came to trust me, and very slowly he revealed more about himself. Then the occasion came for me to ask something that I had been wondering for some time, why didn't he want to come more than once a month?

     He replied that the therapy was hard on him. First of all, he needed to think about and to digest the sessions. Secondly, he needed time to absorb the insights. Inwardly I welcomed what he had said, but somehow it didn't seem quite enough. And then, to my surprise, he told me he liked to have a private life, one in which he can live in his fantasies, and then fashion them into stories, and ultimately into published literature. When he comes here and shares with me, it is as if he has taken a part of himself and left it here, losing a part of both himself and his very private self. This was relevant to his outside life, too, for it would seem that his stuttering served a purpose, it preserved his private self and kept people away. But the alone-ness, which he treasured, also created an unbearable loneliness.

     This insight would never have happened in fast psychotherapy. Therapy and true relationships need time to unfold. A real relationship is based on trust. Knowing oneself as a patient or otherwise requires an inward search, drilling down deep. Then what occurs, between patient and therapist, friend and friend, lover and lover, is a communication called "being to being," wherein essential truth rises from within, from within each, and is then communicated, often silently, from the one to the other and back again.

What Are the Lessons?

I believe all psychotherapy is based on human exchange, and really is based on life as we live it. In a sense, life is psychotherapy. Formal therapy is a contract between two people. In such a case, one party is seeking help and the other is (allegedly) giving it. In truth, however, it is a mutual exchange, and the deeper the exchange, the more true the communication. The more true communication, the more progress

     The real truth is that there is no patient, there is no therapist. There are two human beings, learning from each other. The truth is that one of them, the therapist, has special experience in the matter of self inspection, in dealing with emotional trauma, in helping to heal emotional wounds. But the process is really not one in which the therapist gives something to the patient, rather it is a mutual giving. Furthermore, the whole scene is set by intention. The intention of the therapist makes all the difference in the outcome, and silently, perhaps unconsciously (but effectively), this intention is felt by the patient.

      What I'm speaking of is also active (albeit silently) in the many emerging psychotherapies, such as: Thought Field Therapy (which is tapping meridian points), or EMDR (eye movement desensitization response), and the variety of body therapies that release emotion. Intention is active in all, alhtough acting at an unconscious level. It is, again, the human exchange that is of the essence.

     Let me repeat, it would be a loss to think of this article as a lesson in psychotherapy. It is not. It is an illustration of life as we live it. All psychotherapy is relevant to, and influences and depends upon life as we live it; indeed, again, life itself is psychotherapy. And all psychotherapy should be growthful (although it can be a constrictiing if poorly administered). The model I'm putting forth is a model of human transaction. It is a model in which two people dive into the depths of the truth, meeting each other, exchanging with each other, and finding essential honesty. This heals both of them, each the other.

     I believe this is a model for all human relationships, and one toward which we can strive. It is a model in which we can grow into health, happiness, community, and a true healing of the world's ills.

To contact Dr. Pressman, write to Maurie D. Pressman, M.D., 200 Locust Street, Philadelphia, PA 19106, telephone 215-922-0204, or email mauriedavid@earthlink.net.

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