I have a model of reality in my head that I play with. I like to think of it as 360° awareness or spherical thinking. It goes like this. Let’s say that each of us is a spark of awareness that expands out as a ball of energy. The center is our authentic, intrinsic self, and the outer edge is that self as it plays out in the world. This model gives us the freedom and ability to place our awareness at any point or any depth on or in the sphere.

When we perceive ourselves to be that outer edge, events appear as random and unconnected. We live life as sort of a walking to-do list. Get an education, get a job, make dinner, pay bills, and maybe take a yearly vacation. We play many roles and behave the way we’re expected to in each of them.

The opposite of this is to experience our consciousness as being at the center of the sphere. From this vantage, our activities in the everyday world are very similar, but our perception changes radically. We go from being our lives to beings living them. Think of it this way. If you are at the center of a circle, you can view the entire perimeter. Even a little way back from the perimeter still gives you a wedge-shaped view of the surface. The closer you are to center, the wider your view.

No one I know lives exclusively at the center or at the edges of this model; as in all things, we’re a mix. Also, material success, relative happiness, health, good relationships—all can be had at either extreme. But the way we obtain them and the effort it takes does change. I think that meaning in life, deep comfort, wisdom, and clarity increase as we move deeper.

I use this model for all kinds of things. For instance, if you decide you want to improve your diet, you can concentrate on all the externals and make up charts of what you can eat or what you can’t, and figure a way to get some exercise in there. Or you can make the deeper commitment to being healthy and the details kind of take care of themselves.

For now, I want to talk about who we think we are. We are all someone’s child, possibly someone’s parent. We are a boss or an employee or maybe both. We have different groups of friends, often school friends and those we made later on. When we operate from the edge, we can have the perception that we have different selves. Was it a Seinfeld episode that brought up the concept of worlds colliding; where people from one area of your life encountering those from another spells disaster? This view allows us to say one thing in someone’s absence that we would never utter in their presence. It makes us quiet co-conspirators when our more unconscious friends make bigoted or sexist jokes. It takes an otherwise efficient and competent adult way back to gawky adolescence when in the presence of an overbearing parent, and can lead us to behavior we regret in the morning. In the wider sense, it allows us to value those who are similar and reject those who are not.

When we live toward the center, we express more of who we really are and present a more consistent presence to the world. We act the same when with friends, with our families, or with our work associates. We’re consistent in our views and attitudes regardless of the setting. But there’s even more to it than that. When we live from the center, we know that if our child is special and deserving of all life has to offer, then all children are special and deserve the same. We know that we want our daughters treated with respect and therefore treat others’ daughters in kind. We’re less likely to press the unfair advantage because the awareness of the loss to others is painful to us. Living from our the center doesn’t necessarily make life easier or more comfortable, nor does it guarantee riches or fame. It does give us better sense of who we are and of our role in the world. It makes us better citizens, and ultimately helps make our world a better place.