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The Dating Game Done Right It has been six months since my divorce decree was granted and two-and-a-half years since the original bombshell of it all hit. It is not unreasonable, then, that my thoughts have begun to turn to finding another mate, someone who can be my loving and loyal sidekick for the next section of my earth life adventure. This time I want to do it differently. This time I want to find that soul mate, the one that folks in our crowd so often talk about. So, what to do? The traditional mode is to join the dating game again. That’s no doubt correct. However, the way that game is usually played is a rather haphazard affair. Is there a game that can be played with revised rules, ones that can bring long-lasting and fulfilling success? Of course, there are many books out there on just that topic. One of them is Dr. Phil’s book, Love Smart (www.drphil.com), which promises to help you Present the real you in the most flattering light; Peek behind the male curtain; Master the right moves; Bag ’em, tag ’em and take ’em home; and Get out of your relationship rut. My present quest to fine-tune that dating game, however, originated in the experience of a dear friend who used the game technique she learned in Landmark Education (www.landmarkeducation.com) to develop a list of specific qualities that her future mate needed to have. My friend had experienced a long string of failed romances, one of which (always look for the silver lining) resulted in my lovely god-daughter. This time, using her revised game, she met and married a man who shared her outlook on life and her devotion to Landmark. They are currently expecting their third child. Thinking about that idea, I decided to make a list of my own. Right on top of that list is the idea that this certain someone should have his spiritual act together. He needs to walk the walk, as well as talk the talk. Flavor of the month workshop junkies who don’t take the time to practice what they learn need not apply. Ah, a good start. But just how do you find someone like that? Your community of faith, you might suggest. Yes, but in my small Spiritualist congregation (www.churchofthespirit.org), everyone is either in the spoken for or in the good friend/not lover category. Recently, I decided to check out the Eight:18@Unity event that is held between 8:18 p.m. and 12 a.m. on the first Friday of each month at Unity of Chicago,
Ah, but I digress. I may have been putting the horse before the cart as it were since I haven’t completed my ideal mate list yet. But I have been working on it. In fact, another wise friend just handed me a list that was created by Oriah Mountain Dreamer (www.oriahmountaindreamer.com). According to her website, Oriah is the author of the inspirational prose-poem and international best-selling books, The Invitation (now translated into over fifteen languages), The Dance and The Call: Discovering Why You Are Here. Her writing explores how to follow the thread of our deepest heart’s longing into a life of meaning and purpose. The list that appears in her book, The Invitation, and on her website, certainly provides a working template for anyone making a list for finding that significant other sidekick. And, of course, all of her books sound like a must-read for those exploring their over-all soul paths. I’ll share a handful of Oriah’s suggestions that most resonated with me: • It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon ... I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. • I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human. • I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. • I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. And so my own list evolves. What about your own list and your own journey toward loving relationship? I’d love to have you share your own stories with me. Just send me an email at monty764@sbcglobal.net.
Mary Montgomery is a certified web author and developer. Her company, Montgomery Media Enterprises (“Freelancing with Finesse!”), specializes in public relations, writing projects and web authoring, development and publicity, especially in the non-profit sector. Ms. Montgomery has a Master’s Degree in religious studies from Chicago Theological Seminary (CTS) and is working on a Ph.D. with a focus on the new scholarship of Unlimited Love and the Other Regarding Virtues. She is also in the process of completing the Morris Pratt Institute Course on Modern Spiritualism. Contact her via e-mail at monty764@sbcglobal.net or at her web site at www.montymedia.com. |
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