The Ten Minute Spiritual Challenge

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There are many things that are important in a healthy couple relationship: communication, healing the past, respect, appreciation, gratitude, sexuality, cooperation, compromise, having fun together, and the list goes on. But the most important is allowing for spiritual time when two people can connect soul to soul and heart to heart. This type of connection is the deepest and most fulfilling for two people, for it allows the inner spiritual being to be felt by the other. By “spiritual” we don’t necessarily mean “religious,” but rather a conscious recognition of something (an energy or love) bigger than your bodies, egos, and personalities.

     In our couple’s retreats we challenge each couple to devote ten minutes a day to connecting spiritually. Usually when we bring this up there are groans and complaints from at least half of the people. “We don’t have enough time to do this.” “If you saw our schedules you would know why this is impossible.” “We could maybe find time once a week for ten minutes, but everyday would be out of the question.” We then go on to point out that most people usually spend at least one hour in front of the TV each day, perhaps fifteen minutes a day reading the newspaper, maybe half an hour of computer time that isn’t totally necessary, probably too long on the toilet reading, and other unnecessary uses of time. Usually the complaints stop at this point, and the couples begin to evaluate how they can salvage ten minutes a day for connecting spiritually.

     Here are some suggestions for the ten minutes together. Barry and I like to sit together quietly, either in our living room or at a place out of doors depending on the weather. We close our eyes and feel energy flowing between our hearts. We each speak a prayer of thanksgiving for our relationship. Then we like to look into each other’s eyes and feel the deeper connection of our souls. On busy days we just take ten minutes, on less busy days we take longer. Another wonderful thing to do is to listen to a favorite song while you are looking into each other’s eyes. Some couples like to use the ten minutes to deeply appreciate each other. Other couples like to light a candle and read something from a spiritual book. And some couples like to be in silence in nature and look into each other’s eyes while in a beautiful place.

     These are just a few suggestions. The important thing is that the couples connect soul to soul and allow this energy to bless their relationship. Ten minutes a day spent in such a nurturing spiritual way could save hours of arguing and unhappy feelings with one another. Feeling the depth of your partner’s soul allows for deeper understanding, love and harmony.

     Usually in every couple’s retreat we have one or two couples who take us up on this ten minute challenge. The following is a letter from one such couple:

“Dear Joyce and Barry,

We tremendously enjoyed your couple’s retreat and decided upon leaving that we would devote ten minutes a day to connecting spiritually. Since Jim leaves for work early it was necessary that we wake up ten minutes earlier. At first this seemed difficult, as we already get up early, but we persisted. After we dressed, we took our coffee and sat together in the living room. (Our children were still sleeping.) Each day we took turns choosing a special song that would open our hearts to one another. As the song played softly we looked into one another’s eyes. When the song ended we closed our eyes and each of us said a prayer of thanks for our relationship. Then we appreciated one another. We always ended with a long hug and kiss. Jim then grabbed some breakfast and was out the door for his commute to work. Soon the children wandered down the stairs and I was off and running for another busy day.

     Before we started this ten minutes of connection, Jim would be gone while I was still getting out of bed. I wouldn’t hear from him until he came home at night and when he walked in the door there was often tension between us. After we started our ‘ten minute plan,’ Jim would call me several times from work just to say he loved me. I found myself eagerly waiting for him to come home from work. Connecting in a deeper way seemed to last all day and give us an uplifting, close feeling. I realize now that the ten minutes of spiritual connection has become the most important part of our day.

Thank you, Lisa.”

If couples only knew how this daily spiritual connection could enhance their relationship, they would never hesitate to make the commitment. Taking this time to connect spiritually is the most important use of ten minutes and worth any sacrifice, especially waking up ten minutes early. I would like to challenge each couple reading this to make this commitment. If you do, you will be amazed at how much closer you feel to one another.

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