I can’t quite believe I’m writing this, there should be no need to, but I’m hearing things lately that make me wonder if we’ve confused the meanings of strength and weakness when it comes to human interactions. I thought we all sort of agreed a long time ago on what constitutes strength of character and what qualities we should all strive to integrate into our lives. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect that we will all live up to them all the time, but we should be clear about what they are. Commercials urge us not to share our bag of chips and to wipe out the competition. Guests on news programs tell us it’s weak to apologize. Politicians say we’ll lose the world’s respect if we communicate with the wrong people and warn of grave consequences for those who defy us. What’s going on?

In the world where I grew up, telling the truth was not considered a weakness. We were warned that if we did something wrong and told the truth, we’d get in trouble, but if we lied, it would mean even more trouble. Isn’t George Washington and his cherry tree escapade one of our favorite fables? And this bit about not admitting mistakes. First of all, most people know when we make them, so it’s not really news, but don’t we all find it easier to forgive those who admit it? We admire those who come clean, express regret, and apologize for harm done, not because we pity their weakness, but because it’s such a difficult thing to do.

We might have been leery of bullies on our playgrounds, but we understood their inherent weakness. It is part of our American saga to champion those weaker than ourselves and to take pride in not throwing our weight around. We use the saying, “The pen is mightier than the sword,” because our identity includes the notion that it’s better to use our brains than our brawn. It’s a much greater challenge to find ways to use one’s strengths for good in the world than it is to selfishly use them for one’s advantage alone.

Didn’t we learn that compromise is essential to any successful relationship? No one gets their way all the time, and no one should. Every human endeavor requires give and take. We were told to give more than we receive. We appreciate the image of the willow’s strength coming from its ability to bend to the wind. Coming up with solutions that benefit all parties takes a willingness to let go of small ideas and look beyond the obvious. To suggest that compromise equals weakness strikes me as absurd.

Surely your parents hit you with this one. If the other kids jump off a cliff, would you do it, too? Didn’t they expect you to act appropriately regardless of what the other kids were up to? Overcoming peer pressure and doing the right thing because it is the right thing takes strength and is a key measure of one’s maturity and integrity.

This will never be a perfect world, conflicts will continue to arise. We have to know that we can expect a better outcome from any situation when the parties involved agree to treat each other with honor and respect. We must know that we derive more strength from who we are and how we behave than we do by what we have and how much damage we can do. It works on the individual level, it works in our neighborhoods, and it works in the larger world. It’s not usually the easy way, and it’s one that takes courage.