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Do you ever wonder if there are two of you? I don’t mean in the multiple personality sense, but in the sense that we have the way we’d like to be and then the way that we are. We’d like to eat healthy, lose weight, exercise, be more creative, study some new thing, make repairs to the home or just redecorate some. Or learn a new language or take that trip, do that volunteer work or, or, or. We’re continually getting through one day, and then the next, without making those changes that we’d like to make, those improvements we’d like to see. Before we know it, months have gone by and while we’re not necessarily unhappy, there is a sense that there must be more to life than this.

There’s lots of really interesting research on the brain happening now. Where we thought it was sort of static, it is really quite plastic. When one part of it is damaged, it’s possible for another part to take over its role. With new or intriguing information, our brains make new connections. Anything we do or think repeatedly forms a pathway through our brain. This allows us to do routine things without consciously thinking about them, like taking a shower or getting dressed. It’s also what allows us to be skilled at things. The ability to flip over the contents of a frying pan, to hit a nail in with just a few strikes of a hammer, or to make those graceful loops of line when fly fishing are possible because repeated motion carves a pathway through the brain. It’s really exciting stuff. It shows us that there is so much more to us than we thought, and that we are blessed with an even larger array of possibilities than we knew.

Here’s the rub. We’re gifted with brains that are more likely to stay flexible and healthy when presented with novel information and experiences on a regular basis, but as we age, we’re more liable to stick with what’s comfortable and familiar. When very young, we learn everything for the first time, and there’s a world of stuff to learn. Early schooling doesn’t give a choice of what to study, we’re forced to learn things that don’t hold our interest and don’t come easily. The longer we live, the more we get to choose what to do and what we expose ourselves to. As young adults, in the quest to figure out who we are, we’re driven to experience new places, new opportunities, and new people. As we age, the reasons for new experiences diminish if not consciously cultivated. We’ve been in the same job or type of job for a while and live in the same place. We tend to go to the same kinds of restaurants after seeing the same kinds of movies with the same kinds of people. Vacations become less adventurous, and while we’re really good at whatever creative endeavor we enjoy, it’s been awhile since we tackled anything really challenging.

There are two sides of us. We are the side that craves the novel, new idea or happening, and we are also the one rooted in comfort and familiarity. An easier but nonexistent world would be one where change without changing is possible. Doing something new requires that we haul ourselves out of the old ruts and stand in an uncertain world until it takes hold and forms its own connections. What makes things harder is that we’re mostly unaware of our ruts. We have them, though, not only in our everyday activities, but also in our thoughts and our emotional responses. So to institute the new, we must to learn to get beyond routines that by their very nature are automatic for us, and then remain focused despite their constant pull. It’s hard work, and maybe even scary, but if we are to be the people we want to be, there’s no choice. Either our lives get bigger or they get smaller. We can choose to live in continual OKness or in a state that includes confidence, satisfaction, wonderment, and surprise.