“The Passion:” A Dispassionate View or,
Gory, Gory Hallelujah!
By Steve Bhaerman

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“The Passion” has been such a box office success that naturally, there is already a buzz about a sequel. So, let me quell one rumor and start another. Apparently, there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Mel Gibson plans to take a lighter approach to similar subject matter in a sequel titled, “There’s Something About Mother Mary.”

But as I watched two hours of unrelenting pain, torture, blood and violence, I could see the logical next project: A 50-million hour sequel detailing just a small portion of the violence done in Jesus’s name. There would be the witches, heretics, the nonbelievers and the unorthodox, and of course the Jews. Because, even if Mel’s dad says the holocaust didn’t happen, I have 6 million distant relatives who say it did.

And as I watched the Pharisees in the movie so fearful of Jesus’s insistence that God is bigger than orthodoxy, I couldn’t help think of our current batch of Christian fundamentalists who have crucified the true Christ energy a thousand times with their anti-love judgmentalism. It’s interesting that the love between people of the same sex has generated such a high level of hatred among these folks. Yesterday, the Biblical passage, “What God hath put together, let no man put asunder” came into my head, and it occurred to me that maybe God (in His/Her ultimate wisdom — or pesky playfulness) has made gay marriage the contemporary crucible for the love vs. fear conversation.

Now, as loudly as the fundamentalists rail against the “abomination” of two men lying together, apparently when an entire government lies together, that is of no consequence. I just saw a piece on the American government’s complicity in the Argentinian and Chilean death squads over the past thirty years (can you say “Hen-ry Kis-sin-ger?”), and I don’t recall any outcry by religious fundamentalists on this un-Jesus-like behavior. (This, in contrast to the Catholic priests and nuns who were among the “disappeared” because they actually saw a relationship between Jesus’ message and the political, social and economic repression in Latin America.)

Maybe it’s time for those Christian-identified folks who feel that to “bomb-a-nation” is the true abomination to begin to prod and poke the religious Right (i.e., “The Grinch that Stole Christianity”) with the question, “What would Jesus really do?” Were we to fast forward the Passion scenario 2,000 years, would Jesus be strutting in front of an army like our own Fearless Leader — or would he be more apt to be whacked by one? As a carpenter, he might indeed be driving around in a pickup truck, but I’m doubtful the truck would have a “God, Guns and Guts” bumpersticker.

The trouble with “The Passion” was that it ends up being nothing more than a paean to patriarchy. Maybe the sequel needs to be “The Compassion,” and those of us choosing to feed the wolf of love, and starve the wolf of fear and hatred get to write this new movie by living it. Forget seeing it — billions would flock to this flick to be in it.

Ask the Swami
By Swami Beyondananda

Dear Swami:

I’ve always been a big admirer of Ralph Nader . He’s been a great consumer advocate for the past forty years, and an individual of high integrity. His policies for America would turn this country around, and under most circumstances, he’d have my vote. But this year, I’m not sure. Swami, how do you feel about Ralph Nader running?

—Doris Sopen, Decatur, Georgia

Dear Doris,

I would love to see Ralph Nader run. In fact, I volunteer to lead the mob that chases him! You know, back in 2000 Nader said there was very little difference between Bush and Gore, and he was right — sort of. We ended up with Bush — and we got plenty of gore. If I were Pete Rose, I’d bet that we got more gore with Bush than we would have gotten bush with Gore. Ralph Nader, of all people, should see that the current administration is unsafe at any speed. I agree with Ralph that we need to change direction — but first, we must apply the brakes and stop this idiot driver taking this country full speed ahead the wrong way down the wrong road.

Dear Swami:

I notice you’re more than willing to make jokes about George Bush and the Republicans, and yet I haven’t seen you poking fun at the Democrats and liberals. Why don’t you go after some of the things they’ve done?

—Newcombe Gladley, Arlington, Virginia

Dear Newcombe:

I hear your concern, so let me set the record straight: Each night before retiring, I fervently pray to have a Democrat in the White House to joke about. Truly, I look forward to doing jokes about how we’re spending too much money on health, education, and preserving the environment. I look forward to having the whole world laughing with us, instead of at us. Frankly, I’m tired of making fun of the Banana Republicans, and like many Americans I’m coming to feel that George Bush simply isn’t funny anymore. So, please ... help out this poor cosmic comic. Vote for regime change this year, so I can have “routine change” next year.

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© 2004 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. www.wakeuplaughing.com.

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